Alt text
the slutboard gets used at last
Title text
do not make sudden moves near the slut. He may think you're hitting on him.
Alt text
you know we do monsters mail-order, right?
Title text
when purchasing cauldrons, consider ergonomics
https://www.oglaf.com/night-shame/
Alt text
the guilty party
Title text
Miss Smillas feelings of remorse
https://www.oglaf.com/stalker/2/
Alt text
Decriminalise criminal investigation
Title text
Dust his ass for footprints
Alt text
two cliffs nearly touch
Title text
My question for you, bridgekeeper, is 'where do you go to the toilet?'
https://www.oglaf.com/shaft/4/
Alt text
keep scrubbing
Title text
a pair of gloves could have saved Lady Macbeth
https://www.oglaf.com/shaft/3/
Alt text
escaping in your own confusion
Title text
the 'window of opportunity' isn't one of the tributes
https://www.oglaf.com/shaft/2/
Alt text
teach your minions first aid
Title text
deadlier than the 'cudgel of sympathy'
https://www.oglaf.com/stepmother/
Alt Text
Huntsman did a fill-in set but his heart wasn't in it
Title Text
Have an assassin put a placebo in her drink, just as a warning
Alt text
not enough words use a triple 'o'
Title text
the 'maker of labels' was another tribute
https://www.oglaf.com/portrait/
Alt text
show us your photo face
Title text
I got a painting of a panel van airbrushed on my panel van. Because I think it likes panel vans.
https://www.oglaf.com/blanket/
Alt text
It's only a nameless horror 'til you name it.
Title text
It was cuter when it was a pupa
Dunno if that Parking Garage one makes sense in many places- "porking" is Australian slang for sex.
Alt text
'Salome' because 'Salami' is a boy's name
Title text
Your order for seven veils is being processed.
Alt text
Deportment vs. bears
Title text
Egg > tadpole > frog > prince. The cycle of life continues.
https://www.oglaf.com/infffirmary/
Alt text
there's something about infirmary
Title text
'poison' is a harsh word. I prefer 'potion of shut the fuck up'
Alt text
the origin of everything
Title text
If you call your child 'Rudyard' you have to expect questions
Alt text
Move along, princess. No loitering.
Title text
Fucking amphibians. When will they finally commit?
Alt text
You can't handle the sooth.
Title text
The kind of future you cause by predicting it
https://www.oglaf.com/sweetmeats/
Alt text
It's time to butcher the sugar cow
Title text
sweeter than sweetbreads
https://www.patreon.com/posts/idea-graveyard-123345850
We generate a lot more ideas than we do strips.
half-ideas? One-sided conversations? Terrible puns? We got 'em
Here's a bunch of stuff that didn't make it into strips but which we still kind of like.
I’m not here to save the world, just to delay the inevitable.
fortified cooking school is built to repel raiding parties.
Students are in high demand as slaves.
Never fly higher than you can survive if you fall.
That is terrible advice. You're the worst bird.
Its not literal advice, okay? I'm not literally a bird.
It's awful metaphorical advice and you are a shit-house bird allegory.
See i don't mind you saying that, because i never fly higher than i can survive a fall from, emotionally.
You can just say you have bad self esteem.
Would i need to dress as a bird if i could speak literally?
+20 sword is only for outside. Don’t be using it indoors, it’ll bring the building down.
There was a fly in the ointment but the fly is out of the ointment now and the ointment has really fixed up a lot of the fly’s issues and it wants to know what it can do to help.
The look?
Feh.
I don’t have the look.
I’ve got the whole search party.
They’re dragging the lake for me, bitch.
Want an autographed ‘missing’ poster?
I was raised by wolves but only briefly.
They fostered me out to possums.
I won’t pretend that didn’t hurt.
Funeral for the funeral god. Every Sunday. Come on down and have a big old weep.
Ask about comfort sex Wednesdays!
Overly-loyal Tarzan won't let go of the vine.
Overly-loyal Tarzan acknowledges he has a problem
So weird how much you humans love boobs.
They literally grow on you!
You’re getting high on your own supply.
You been working out, minotaur? You're looking beefy.
Stick sharpener? Anyone? Birch, oak, aspen? Stick looking a little blunt there, Ma'am- Freshen it up for you?
When Lord Longfrey is found dead, sharpened stick through his heart, the apprentice stick sharpener must go on the run and seek out the real killer.
...and the screenwriters must come up with problems that can be solved by sharp sticks.
This sling bikini is actually just a sling. I’m planning an assassination.
So you’ll be nude for the assassination?
Oh no, I’ll still have the cowl on.
Sling bikini with cowl. hot.
Gives you weird tan lines.
All the dry-bone skeletons are jealous of SKELETON WITH TENDONS
Where’d you get those?
Off a tennis racket, it turns out.
I don’t feel comfortable in a top or bottom role, I’m kind of middle management, sexually.
I want to be going back and forth between a domme and a sub, making things slower and worse.
Hot.
We’re an all-undead business- if you get the job would you object to being killed and reanimated?
It’s a ruby the size of an egg!
...a shrimp egg, sure
Ludmica- i’m gonna suck you so hard your eyes get tiny.
Gorg- Permanently tiny?
Lidmica- No six to eight weeks.
Gorg- Sweet.
Cut to Gorg with tiny eyes
Gorg- Everything looks so big. Honestly, I don’t want it to go back.
I’m focussed on looking like somebody you want to fuck.
Sexually speaking, I’m a cake on Instagram,.
Icing, sparkles, all of the colours.
So great to look at.
If you actually want to eat something, just get a donut.
Golfers vs orcs!
The golfers manage to take down a couple of orcs as they’re rushing in but the rest is very one-sided.
Don’t be fooled into thinking we’re outnumbered- it’s an octopus with hand-puppets
Watch as I make myself cum! (turns into cum)
Magpie swoops, causes cyclist to crash and die.
Magpie gets 3200 XP and jumps straight to level 4
It can now swoop at 220 km/h and starts smashing the fuck out of humans.
Soon it’s at level 20 and moves so fast it’s a blur. Also, makes lightning.
I kept an open mind but that was a stupid idea because now Smurfs have moved in.
...sort of Smurfs.
Little blue mind-flayers but with distinct, marketable characters.
Angry, Artsy, Klepto, Bigot, Milf
Giving me terrible ideas as per their individual idioms.
I think they’re selling drugs from the back of my head.
Maximus- are you not amuuussseeddd?
Commodus- I was before but it’s feeling preachy now.
Maximus- yeah I realise that but I have an important message that you all need to hear
Commodus- That we’re shit?
Maximus- uh... yeah, kind of.
Commodus- you can see how that might not resonate, right?
Maximus- ...sure.
Commodus- Great! Try something else then.
Maximus- Uh.... Like and Subscriiiiibbbbeee!
Commodus- perfect.
cleric kneels before fight
“For these orcs we’re about to slay, may the lord make us truly grateful”
Cleric says that gives us armour buffs but I’m not convinced.
Cleric only casts weird spells like ‘eucharist’ and ‘baptism’
Cleric has brought full boys’ choir into the dungeon, gets them to check for traps. Choir’s getting smaller but better ‘cause cleric makes the worst singer check.
No-one is coming to save you.
Even now, nobody is rushing up to the gate guards and duelling three of them at once.
Now nobody is climbing the tower wall
And listen! Who’s that at the door? Nobody!
Thank goodness you’re not here!
Can we not fuck? I’m worried I’ll end up a single parent.
I hate how great my ass is.
It’s making me really vain about my ass.
I hope we’re headed North because that’s the only direction I know.
Or south, I guess, if you don’t mind walking backwards.
https://www.oglaf.com/secret-admirer/2/
Alt text
4 missed callers
Title text
SMS bullying before the telephone
https://www.oglaf.com/secret-admirer/
Alt text
I feel many secret emotions
Title text
I am an admirer of secrets
Posts and discussion about the Oglaf webcomic. Many of the comics are NSFW, please tag appropriately.
This comic started out as an attempt to make pornography. It degenerated into a sex comedy pretty much immediately
Posting new comics, and old comics until we're caught up
