You have to post about it online and keep the community updated on your progress, becoming the first widespread Lemmy meme

Each day you don't poop, you lay an egg that hatches into a random monster. The egg is indestructible.

You can talk to animals now. I think what you mean is you want them to be able to talk too.

But only about collecting stamps.

Your already can talk to animals. We all understand you.

You can talk to animals, but it includes insects and birds... and you can't shut their conversion out for some peace and quiet

Their debt transfers to you.

Turns out, the books you touch are actually quite satisfied and content.

It only works if you touch it with your penis.

The title of the book appears somewhere on your skin, and if removed you will forget any knowledge from that book, whether you obtained it through reading or your power. The titles must be legible, and cannot overlap.

but you must feel a paper cut from every single page of knowledge

You become deaf and blind

You're an admin on reddit

But your side effect is infinite power.

Except you feel the need to always respond to everyone else's conversations. Your timing is impeccable yet everyone comes to resent your witty remarks.

but for everyone, including yourself.

The ability to think is lost

You consume the calories of every food by just naming it.

Granted, but your thoughts are transmitted to the person looking at you.