Explain Like I'm 5 (Goblins in a Trench Coat)

You've explained it to a 5-year-old, now explain it to a bunch of small green maniacs!

This is a parody community inspired by !explainlikeimfive@lemmy.world with a fantasy twist. All questions should be answered as if the person who asked has no idea about our modern world, is more interested in shinies than knowledge and might attack you at any moment.