Incredibly enough, I've been working for seven years and I'm still capable of translating this somehow. I knew that following Lessons in Meme History would come handy. Anyway:

when im reading my ethical queer medias

Self-explanatory, hopefully - OP is reading media with non-heterosexual content and no problematic associations...

and the darkwoke rape malegaze core media chuddys

...and the sleazy suckers that are into the progressive media for the wrong reasons, especially their desire to view media as a way to satisfy their misogynist, abusive tendencies...

infest my woke fandom with tourist hetslop incel behaviour

...screw with OP's progressive group of media aficionados by behaving in a way not proper of an actual established fan, including their acting like an "involuntary celibate" (who believes he's owed love and sex, but is blocked by social circumstances outside of his control) and "heterosexual slop" (pointless fan content that tries to detract the queer fandom's established relationship head-canons a.k.a. shipping)...

so i begin age regressing into a different species

...and this is where the sarcasm starts to show, as OP claims to start mentally turning into a trans-species baby...

and beg my mediatok polycule to comfort me

...and asks OP's group of polyamorous lovers from the media-appreciation parts of TikTok to give some comfort...

(my yumeshipper PTSD kicked in)

...as OP's past trauma from having self-shipped (that is, considered oneself as being in a relationship with a specific fictional character) starts to rear its head again.

I read the "explanations" in the image and still have no idea what the fuck they are talking about.

I understand it's a form of English, but the meaning eludes me

arch enemies with lolicons and gooners

Genshin, ZZZ, Umamusume, Honkai

This has to be a joke right? It reads like an alternate dimension VXJunkies post but instead of being about esoteric tech shit it's about hoyoslop and VN obsessed terminally online basement dwellers

I am extremely unemployed, literally crippled and disabled, but uh... I only recognize 4 things, from the top row.

As in... I've seen 4 of those images before, I think.

... I can understand the... I guess you'd call it a dialect, used in the posts and image.

... I did not know it was possible for a 'Woke Lolicon' to exist.

This seems categorically impossible to me, as one would think understanding and respect of the concept of consent is a required part of being 'woke', but ... ?

Also, I have no idea what a 'LIGHTchud' is.

This reads like a recruitment ad for some pro-meteor-that-ends-the-world movement.

I swear, some people look for things to bitch about.

The usage of "Tourist" comes from Fight Club, I would bet. You know, keeping in track.

I understand about 20% of the words in this post

Lol ive never seen any of the shows referenced here lmao

Umm I fear I read that easily and I have a job. I must retreat to study what I have learned of myself.