Friendly reminder to be noncredible. Don't actually attack other people for their religious beliefs. If you don't have a funny take, and you're just here to spread hate, maybe shut the fuck up instead 👍

I'm in the firm belief that Amish are crazy but harmless.

Mormons are not that. Mormons are a modern organization, and one that is ruthless and demanding of its followers, and with funding to spare.

Last I checked the LDS have actual industrial arms manufacturering capacity.

Mormons. They already have an army of ~70k extremely impressionable 18-20 year olds (missionaries) hopped up on dirty sodas and sexual repression ready to do whatever for their prophet in the name of god.

Source: was Mormon, was missionary, still live in Utah. lol

Homie could you imagine Amish Guerrilla Warfare? Those dudes are so down to earth you'd think it was straight up the earth that attacked you. They dont even need GPS to know where they are. Mormons are gonna need some huge advantage other than their thug stratagem to beat the Amish Will.

In the first week, the Mormon airforce rises into the air and starts a carpet bombing campaign.

Seemingly, the Amish are destroyed as there are no signs of fighting back. The Mormon missionaries move in to pacify the newly conquered territory. But all the towns are dead and empty.

After two weeks of raising the Mormon flags everywhere, the top brass gets a notice: several Amish towns have sprung up in the hinterlands. Quickly the Mormon army rushes in but all they find are desolated settlements.

General after general gets burn-out from this game of whack-a-mole. The Mormons want a fight but the pacifist Amish aren't playing along. The Mormon youth gets dissatisfied with their rulers who called then into a war and are not delivering.

On the other side of the curtain, the Amish are not allowed to fight back. They simply leave their homes and rebuild somewhere else, especially in places the Mormon army just left. But some amongst them are of the opinion that, although fighting is strictly prohibited, a few accident should be within the rules.

So the numbers of unexplained explosions in the Mormon homeland start to rise. It's just the beginning, but the methane tanks on the Amish dairy farms overfloweth.

A Mormon officer suggests arming local cheese lords to get a hold of the situation. Wherever have we seen that before?

Mormons. And it's over in a week, tops.

Mormons are really into guns on the whole. There's an entire fundie Mormon clan (the Kingstons) that own Desert Tech, an arms manufacturer. Mormons in general have a very high rate of enlistment in military services, while the Amish are pacifists and opposed to any form of modern technology. And don't forget that you have the Deseret Nationalists that are quite willing to murder for their religion.

It's one of the rare examples that's almost the opposite of a population heat map.

Mormons lose big, and here's why.

Those damn bright white shirts. Easy targets.

No way you can miss them, even on the smokiest battlefield.

The Amish blend into the background better.

I think I gotta hand it to the Amish on this one. I’ve seen how quickly they can build a barn. Imagine how quickly they could fortify a front. The Mormons just don’t have that capability. Not to mention the Mormon limited selection of hot drinks to drink on the cold bitter front. It would make it far more difficult to fight that war.

The Mormon Church has historical experience in low-intensity conflict, has members surprisingly embedded in diplomatic circles, has experience in power projection, and is fucking rich.

Mormons aren't just going to be soaking, but soaking in Amish blood.

Gonna be like the Vietnam War. High tech powerful army vs low tech actually competent guerrillas. Amish gonna win.

Now I wanna see a horse drawn buggy that goes BRRRRRRRTTT

The Mormons have $182 billion in investments (that excludes operating assets). Just their stocks/mutual funds/etc. exceed $50 billion.

They could buy 14 aircraft carriers or 1,776 F-35s.

didn't the amish already win, and that's why the mormons had to leave and go out west?

The mor(m)ons would.

They use technology, and have an insanely huge bankroll.

I know not how we will fight WW3, but WW4 will be fought with magic underwear and beards with no mustache.

After the trade embargo, the mormans will run out of furniture. They'll have no tables to eat from, no chairs to sit on, no beds to sleep on. After a month the mormans will be exhausted and starving and ready to topple over with a single flick.

I'd fight alongside the Amish because they make nice ass furniture. I'll control the drones while they reload their muskets.

The Amish are pacifists and the Mormons have been involved in several wars so my bet is on the Mormons.

I don't think Mormons have shunned tech, have they? So Mormons.

Also

Regions with significant populations United States 6,868,793[2] Mexico 1,516,406[3] Brazil 1,494,571[4] Philippines 867,271[5] Peru 637,180[6] Chile 607,583[7] Argentina 481,518[8] Guatemala 290,068[9]

I had no idea it was so prevalent outside of the US.

Mormons hands down, they're more strapped than you think and have no compunction against modern weapons whereas afaik the amish probably stop somewhere before the 1900s. Plus they could maybe convert some of the Amish (wololo), they're good at that and the Amish don't bother.

I’ll take the Amish, they’re humanity’s insurance policy.

Amish in a sweep, their toughness outweighs mormon tech advantages and let's not forget their Mennonite buddies.

Mormons, it will be a short war but a long and bloody flight, and some Amish resistance cells will operate for decades after

If bloodlusted, Amish easily. They're tougher than the nails they're holding their barns up with, and not prone to complaining. In reality though, they're big softies. They won't even participate in haggling unless a deal is hurting them. Watching my mom haggle with an Amish dude for dog studding service is easily the most cringe moment of my life. I had to make her greedy ass stop!

If the Amish can somehow detonate a large enough EMP, they’re in with a chance.