I am not suggesting masking, I'm suggesting finding useful and effective tools and strategies. Masking might have been useful in the short run, but as you mention - it is unsustainable.
There are plenty of ways that don't require it, but they are somewhat culture and context specific, as well as require some care and support to make sure you're not accidentally masking.
A psychologist or other trained specialist might be very useful to figure out a more sustainable way for this and related situations (if you feel you only have unsustainable strategies in a particular domain, they can help). Your support network might also be able to help, and I warmly recommend finding other neurodivergents to share camaraderie and experience how many ways there are to both be more of yourself, and a more effective communicator.
For many neurodivergents, finding a community of like minded is both freeing - as your peers are both conscious and practiced not to mask, and helpful - as you get to witness and discuss many different strategies, as well as how they can be adapted to different personalities. Correctly done, it is also a great way to improve your self-reliance.
Again, maybe a start would be to have a look at the neurodivergent comms here on the fediverse (as they will have experience with Lemmy situations), but feel free to find a group/groups suited to you, online or offline.