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Every race gets one cool ability (aussie.zone)
submitted 2 years ago by to c/rpgmemes@ttrpg.network
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[–] 156 points 2 years ago (8 children)

Don't humans have the ability to fuck everything? It's why half elves and half orcs exist, but no non-human hybrids.

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  • [–] 78 points 2 years ago* (7 children)
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  • [–] 43 points 2 years ago

    Ah, good old Book of Erotic Fantasy. It's so gloriously stupid that everyone should own a copy. That table is by far not the silliest part of the book.

    It's only bested by the official sex rulebook for The Dark Eye, which is an April Fools joke that spiraled out of control and has actual rules for intercourse – deliberately bureaucratic and unsexy ones included purely as a "you asked for it" joke at the reader's expense.

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  • [–] 29 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Honestly, Elder Scrolls has it right: the offspring of two different races will always be the race of the mother, but with some traits of the father.

    None of that funny crossbreeding stuff, just keep it simple.

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  • [–] 19 points 2 years ago*

    So basically your mitochondria decides your species?

    Personally I like keeping it a little more complicated. It's the same race as the mother, unless the mother is a ditto, in which case it's the same race as the father.

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  • [–] 23 points 2 years ago (4 children)

    At first I read this as "these species can fuck each other". Then I realized that this is only concerning conception, all these species could fuck each other as they please.

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  • [–] 5 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    If it applies to DnD's cosmology, than it has to mean with viable offspring, because half-dwarves canonically exist in the Darksun setting and they're called Muls.

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  • [–] 16 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    Dragons and Nymphs don't fuck around. Got it.

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  • [–] 1 point 2 years ago (4 children)

    How do you fuck a dragon?

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  • [–] 4 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    It never occurred me until now that half dwarves are not a thing

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  • [–] 6 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Muls from the Dark Sun setting are half dwarves. They’re sterile so I guess maybe they don’t count?

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  • [–] 7 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    I was gonna say something about ligers and tigons, but then I did some research (looked it up on Wikipedia) and I learned some stuff. It has no relevance to my life, but it did clear up my misconception that hybrids are always sterile! So, in addition to making $125 donating plasma, making a new friend at the bus stop, and almost immediately getting drunk, I learned that some hybrids can be viable!

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  • [–] 14 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    You sure? I believe I remember there being a story about a halfling or a gnome drinking an enlarge potion or two to get hot and sweaty with some giantess.

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  • [–] 9 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    Technically it implies that all these other races are diverged near humans, humans being relatively unchanged remain close enough to produce viable offspring, but with different non human races being diverged from each other to the point of non viability.

    So basically the racial map for a D&D setting would have humans at the center, with half children in each of the spokes of a wheel, and every non human race being nodes located in the environment where they developed in extremity, and then from there you can build the environment under the premise of the conditions that developed elves or dwarves or orcs from the human starting point.

    This would also have to include a backstory spanning tens of thousands of years.

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  • [–] 13 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    Is a half halfling a quarterling?

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  • [–] 9 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Do they fuck everything, or get fucked by everything? How that half orc came into existence wasn't a good time for everyone.

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