I know you're joking, but that's a great question that I wonder if Marxist historians have tackled. What were the material conditions for the rise of Christianity? The fall of Rome? Disruption of the slave economy? The plague and famines of the 3rd century?
Christianity didn't come from nowhere, it became popular in an era where many "mystery cults" plagued the Roman empire. The Cult of Isis was the other major popular one, but there were dozens. Clearly the mystery cult era was a response to material conditions, and Christianity happened to be the one that took off. It became the social component of the superstructure.
Definitely worth looking into.