Hey there comrades, I'm so tired of trying to find toothpaste that seemingly doesn't exist. It really doesn't feel like I'm asking all that much. All I want is:

1. Vegan
2. Contains fluoride (is toothpaste, in other words)
3. Not "whitening" (abrasive)

I don't care what flavor, how much it costs, what other horrific cancer-causing compounds it might contain. I literally just want vegan toothpaste that doesn't contain hydrated silica or other abrasives and isn't pretend-toothpaste. Why is that so hard?