Maybe it’s just this bleary Friday but feeling in a definite work rut of late. So I apologise for probably the deepest/longest post I’ve ever made online.

I’ve been in my (IT/AV/technical) industry 25 years, and at my current job almost 10, but due to some SERIOUS imposter syndrome am still pretty much doing the same work now that I was doing back in the day.

Around 15-20 years ago I was doing much more technically complex work than I am now and climbed to some higher leadership levels, but HATAED managing people so quit that job and dropped right back to the coal face where I’ve been ever since, with pretty much zero progression.

My boss’ boss - we were both at the same level when I first started. My manager, I trained them when they joined as a junior, helped them rise up to a role at my level, and then eventually supported them to go higher and they’re now my boss.

I’ve been approached by other groups over the years to join/help out/move up, but I’ve pushed back every time because I can’t help but think “I can’t do that”, “they THINK I know more than I actually do”, “if they find out I’m actually crap I’ll be unemployed with a family to support”, "I've hit the limit of what I'm capable of".

GAH. I wish I could just appreciate what I’ve got, but I come to work completely on autopilot, can’t remember the last time I actually had to use my brain for anything, and seem to just be the guy everyone turns to for help/advice, train new staff and to help further their own careers. Imposter syndrome blows. Wish I had the kind of personality that could fake it till I make it.

OK vent over, time for more coffee.