There have been a few changes over the course of my marriage. For the sake of this post, I'm gonna refer to just a few.

  1. My wife didn't want to shave/wax anymore. Cool, you do you.
  2. She didn't want to give oral anymore. Okay, that's her right to decide what she wants and doesn't want to do.
  3. We used to flirt and sext all day long and I'd be down for anything by the end of the day. She didn't want to do this anymore, to better focus at work. Okay.

These, and other such changes are all reasonable and I've respected her choices without demanding anything. She has legit reasons for all the changes she's made.

Buuuut it has come at the cost of me losing sexual attraction towards her and not being all that interested anymore.

When I reduced initiating, she picked up the mantle. Over time, I'm down to never initiating, and on most days actively turning her down. Drowning while others starve and all that.

As I write this, I can see that the comments are most likely going to be "therapy," but that's $$$ that's gonna be hard to come by. Or "have you spoken to her about it?" -- I haven't, because I don't know how to do so without sounding like "get waxed, and get on your knees."

So, help??

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[–] 2 points 6 hours ago*

So she still likes sex with you, and initiates it, and that is not working for you? I don't think the not shaving is a big deal if you still can go down on her but never oral for you, if she is not bothered by doing it, is not so ok. I don't love it but if he likes it and I tolerate it (meaning there isn't a reason to not want to - like really noxious cum, some guys really do taste foul, or if that's all he wanted to do, or my ex was a once a week guy so if I got him off that way I would be frustrated for another week) I would do it and be turned on by his enjoyment. That seems like a pretty normal way to feel.

Flirting to get in the mood seems a reasonable ask, and something that would work for her too, was her work suffering?

I guess I'm wondering where y'all overlap, what things do you both enjoy?

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