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How to make Friends on lemmy? (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 days ago by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
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Hi, i thought here is the bestplace to ask about this, is it possible to make new friends on here, what is the most effective way, tell me your experience

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[โ€“] 3 points 2 days ago (8 children)

How do you even start this on lemmy? You have an interesting conversation with someone in a thread and then just send them a message to keep talking? It feels like most people would think you're a bot.

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  • [โ€“] 6 points 2 days ago (5 children)

    Well, generally you'd want to have a couple of interactions in comments before sending a dm, or a fairly lengthy one.

    It's really similar to meatspace tbh. You wouldn't really give your number to a rando in the checkout line, but if you ended up having a really good conversation, you might ask if they want to exchange numbers. Otherwise, you'd wait until you'd had a few conversations before suggesting a get together.

    There's a degree of vibe reading necessary though. It's a lot harder for folks that haven't had a lot of social experience, or have some kind of difficulties reading cues. Unfortunately, you can't see someone checking their watch or shuffling their feet online, but there's the benefit that nobody is really obligated to respond the way in person interaction tends to feel s pressure to make a polite exit.

    I'd say that as long as you approach it right, even a short interaction is okay to build from via DM for the same reason. If you lead with something making it clear you're not looking to apply social pressure, the worst that'll happen is a lack of response 99/100. You know, the usual "hope it's okay to message, feel free to ignore this if it isn't" kind of thing.

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  • [โ€“] 2 points 2 days ago (4 children)

    Makes sense I guess. I tend to see comment threads as one-off things and don't pay much attention to usernames. Maybe when you comment more you end up interacting with the same people eventually and if you're lucky they'll remember you too.

    It's a bit hard to compare this to outside life as I don't tend to have conversations with strangers. But some people do, so it must work well sometimes.

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  • [โ€“] 4 points 1 day ago (3 children)

    Yeah, talking to strangers is difficult, for some people, and it kinda is for me. I'm one of those weird introverts that can be extroverted in some ways some times. My mom used to say I could charm anyone and make friends anywhere when I was a kid. I didn't do well in groups, and still don't really like them. But one on one? I get nervous and worry about what can go wrong, but I'm strangely good at it, and always have been.

    Since I was in home health for decades, I developed actual skill at smoothing first meetings as well.

    But I'm actually an introvert. It takes a lot out of me, and I'd almost always prefer to be alone or just with my closest people (and even that in small groups at most).

    Comment chains are right up my alley because of that. I only passively notice user names until my subconscious sees the same ones a good bit, or if it's a really engaging thread. Comment convos are almost always one on one, engaging with a structured start, but with freedom to really talk if things go there.

    Since I'm a long winded sort, and use the fediverse a lot ( retired due to disability, nothing but time), I seem to have met almost all the other heavy users dozens of times, and get along with damn near everyone. I mean, I have had bad experiences with individuals, but on average the frequent flyers are easy to digitally hang with. And, you know, sometimes I'm an asshole, so I can be the bad experience, but I try not to.

    Hell, I have to actively ignore user names sometimes, like on the PTB community, so I don't let personal bias interfere with the purpose of the community because I tend to get along with most of the heavy users, who can also be mods of bigger communities as well. There's a couple that get raked over the coals there, and deserved it some, but are really just human beings doing their best and having a bad day.

    And I think that's maybe why I spend so much of my time here. It really feels like a community, a digital neighborhood.

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  • [โ€“] 2 points 1 day ago (2 children)

    Smaller communities do feel like communities here. Lemmy as a whole is not that big but it still feels pretty public for me. I'm probably more of an introvert than you :p Public conversations like talking with someone on the bus (or like this) scare me a bit but exposure helps.

    Still, it's nice you can enjoy these longer convos.

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  • [โ€“] 2 points 18 hours ago (1 child)

    I feel you on exposures :)

    Honestly, lemmy/fediverse really does feel like a community to me. There's a sense of connection across the screen that's possible. But you're right, it does feel public rather than private. It is more like talking at a block party, or similar get togethers than chilling with friends at home.

    The real key to navigating it as an introvert is that digital communication is very time unsensitive. If I'm low on spoons, I can just hold off on responding for a few hours, and there's still a connection. Or, it's perfectly okay to just let it go. It's fine to let a conversation end without saying goodbye online. That really is a great thing for folks with limited social batteries

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