14
How can i stop feeling like a loser? (lemmy.ml)
submitted 5 hours ago by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
16 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

I often feel like a loser. I don’t do any sports, but i’ve been wanting to get back into swimming since i used to do it as a kid and i kind of miss it, i don’t play any instruments, and there are days once every two or three weeks where i’m just home all day. I am addicted to my phone, or rather addicted to YouTube, i am watching YT videos most of my day, not even watching but often just leave them in the background and go on with my day. I have accomplished some cool stuff, like i just recently got out of morbid obesity by following a diet, i got my English C1 certification and i’m learning Spanish and Mandarin with surprisingly good results. I have been studying stuff i’m interested in, mainly politics, philosophy, and most recently I’m getting more into maths and physics. However, even tho i did achieve those things, i feel like i should do more.

I have always envied people that play instruments but never got around to do it myself (one friend of mine proposed to borrow me his old guitar, i might accept), i don’t workout currently because for the past 2 years i got a gym membership but didn’t care enough to show up consistently because it’s just boring to me, i’d like to go out more but many of my friends are always busy or just out of reach, and i live a bit far from the city so i can’t just “take a walk”, because i’d have nowhere to go and for a big portion of the road near my house there is no sidewalks at all.

I feel like i’m just making up excuses, but idk, do you know how i can stop feeling that way?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] 10 points 5 hours ago

It sounds to me like you already are doing plenty of things or planning to, so I'll tell you something that was said to me by a therapist once:

It sounds like you're looking at your self worth conditionally. You need to do X, then you'll be Y. The thing is, that's a journey with no end. You'll always find something else you don't have if you think of yourself this way.

You need to work on unconditional self worth. How can you give yourself grace on the days when you just sit around and watch YouTube videos? Are you really worthless if you never learn an instrument?

This may not vibe with you, but one technique I've been told is to think of your child self. Imagine this little girl or boy you used to be standing in front of you. They feel horrible because they haven't done this or that. Would you chastise them for it? Or would you pick them up and give them a hug? They're trying, and that's what matters, even if they don't get exactly where they want in the end.

So to sum it up, your self worth is conditional, and you need to find ways to treat yourself well more unconditionally. The more you can do that, the more confident you'll feel, regardless of what else is happening in life.

Best of luck with this. I have struggled with similar things and still do sometimes. It takes work to change your thinking, and it won't be linear gains.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
    •