I sort of get where you are coming from better now and I am wondering if it's something of a misunderstanding of what love is and can be.

i mean like it’s a form of discipline for myself only, i know love works for others but if i get too accepting of myself then i lose sight of what i must fix on myself if that makes sense

I don't see love as validating everything in oneself. If I had desires to be a bourgeoisie exploiter, I wouldn't be like "that's okay, you can have that as a goal, I still love you." I'd be like, where the heck is this coming from, what is causing these desires in me. But I also wouldn't put myself down over it either.

But even then, it is a thing in literature/advice about intrusive thoughts that fearing them and aggressively pushing them away can do more harm than good. The mind is kinda complicated.

Anyway, coming back to love, consider that Castro headed up a vanguard that had to use violence to win a revolution and then hold on to that power. I'm sure he wasn't going, "I just love the bourgeoisie and their exploitative behavior so much." Or Mao has that quotation, but he also did very meticulous work investigating the conditions of the peasantry and building ties with them. These individuals, and the revolutions behind them, are multifaceted, is what I'm trying to get at. They contained within them the capacity for great love and great hate, sometimes the one fueling the other; the hatred drawn forth from their love of the people and their hatred of the ones oppressing them.

So the way I see it, the aim of self love is not the repression of hatred or fault, not the smoothing over of it in a liberal fashion where all desires are equal and all ways of being can be accommodated no matter what they are. The aim is to nurture appreciation, cherishing, and a sense of emotional stability. To be able to feel like a whole being who can work in interdependence with others toward a better world, and yes, that sometimes includes self-crit and self improvement. Ideally, one does not need encouragement on this and has an upbringing where they felt safe and loved, and formed secure attachments with others into adulthood. But not all of us do. Ideally, we have help on this via loving, secure attachments with others if we didn't get it in childhood. But sometimes that's not easy to build.