Relationship Advice

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Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!

The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.

Please make sure you read our rules before posting.

Rules:

Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.

1: Treat all users with respect. [!]

The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.

2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]

Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.

3: All posts must be a request for advice.

All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.

4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.

Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.

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Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.

6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.

Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.

Reddit reposts are allowed.

As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115

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For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.

For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:

1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
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The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.

Exceptions:

While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.

Related communities:

Adulting: !adulting@lemmy.world
No Stupid Questions: !nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
Mental Health !mentalhealth@lemmy.world

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My last and important question..He has his family and friends, while I'm left alone trying to heal. How do I rebuild my life after losing myself in a relationship? (self.relationship_advice)

submitted 21 hours ago* by Rush to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world

8 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my story and share their perspectives. I'm genuinely struggling to make sense of everything, and your responses have helped me reflect on things I couldn't understand on my own.

But Was emotionally cheating on me really necessary? If he wanted to explore other girls or experience life outside our relationship, why couldn't he just be honest with me and end things instead of keeping me emotionally attached with promises of love and a future together? I could have been heartbroken, but at least I would have had the truth and the choice to walk away. What hurts the most is that he kept reassuring me that I was the person he wanted to spend his life with, only for me to discover that he was exploring other possibilities behind my back.

I know I wasn't perfect. I was emotionally dependent on him and sometimes struggled to give him space, partly because he had threatened to leave me so many times before. I keep wondering whether things would have been different if I had handled my anxiety better. But I also wonder whether I'm blaming myself for choices that were entirely his responsibility.

One more thing I wanted to share is that this relationship has really affected my self esteem. I've started doubting myself and feeling like I'm not good enough. Sometimes I suddenly start crying or feeling anxious, and I find myself punishing myself emotionally for things that happened in the relationship. I've even started avoiding mirrors because looking at my face or body makes me question my worth. I know this isn't healthy, but I don't know how to stop feeling this way. It's like his choices have somehow made me question my own worth, even though I know I tried my best to love him...

About cheating.....He bought Bumble Premium, talked to 6 ...7 girls, put up a bio saying he was looking for a long term relationship, shared his photos and contact details (Instagram and Telegram) with them, and entertained some girls' sexual fantasies while he was still with me....nd behaving loving but slightly distant like less phone calls nd all....My hands still tremble whenever I remember seeing the photos of the girls he was talking to when I opened his phone.

My exams are near, and I feel like I've lost myself completely. I don't even have any hobbies to distract myself with.

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[–] Rush [S] 2 points 19 hours ago

Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response. ❤️ Your words genuinely mean a lot to me, especially the part about not letting one person dictate how I see myself. I think I've started measuring my worth through his actions, and that's something I really need to work on. The dishonesty hurt me deeply because I trusted him and genuinely believed in the future he promised me.

I don't have many people to turn to right now, so reading kind words like yours helps more than you might realise. I'll definitely look into the book you mentioned. My exams are approaching, and I really want to get my focus back and slowly rebuild myself. Thank you for reminding me that I deserve to see myself with the same kindness that others might see in me.

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