this post was submitted on 10 Oct 2026

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Relationship Advice

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My last and important question..He has his family and friends, while I'm left alone trying to heal. How do I rebuild my life after losing myself in a relationship? (self.relationship_advice)

submitted 21 hours ago* by Rush to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world

8 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my story and share their perspectives. I'm genuinely struggling to make sense of everything, and your responses have helped me reflect on things I couldn't understand on my own.

But Was emotionally cheating on me really necessary? If he wanted to explore other girls or experience life outside our relationship, why couldn't he just be honest with me and end things instead of keeping me emotionally attached with promises of love and a future together? I could have been heartbroken, but at least I would have had the truth and the choice to walk away. What hurts the most is that he kept reassuring me that I was the person he wanted to spend his life with, only for me to discover that he was exploring other possibilities behind my back.

I know I wasn't perfect. I was emotionally dependent on him and sometimes struggled to give him space, partly because he had threatened to leave me so many times before. I keep wondering whether things would have been different if I had handled my anxiety better. But I also wonder whether I'm blaming myself for choices that were entirely his responsibility.

One more thing I wanted to share is that this relationship has really affected my self esteem. I've started doubting myself and feeling like I'm not good enough. Sometimes I suddenly start crying or feeling anxious, and I find myself punishing myself emotionally for things that happened in the relationship. I've even started avoiding mirrors because looking at my face or body makes me question my worth. I know this isn't healthy, but I don't know how to stop feeling this way. It's like his choices have somehow made me question my own worth, even though I know I tried my best to love him...

About cheating.....He bought Bumble Premium, talked to 6 ...7 girls, put up a bio saying he was looking for a long term relationship, shared his photos and contact details (Instagram and Telegram) with them, and entertained some girls' sexual fantasies while he was still with me....nd behaving loving but slightly distant like less phone calls nd all....My hands still tremble whenever I remember seeing the photos of the girls he was talking to when I opened his phone.

My exams are near, and I feel like I've lost myself completely. I don't even have any hobbies to distract myself with.

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[–] Havatra@lemmy.zip 2 points 19 hours ago (1 child)

First of all I'm sorry you got put through this. I wish you luck in the upcoming exams, and hopefully this will all be part of history soon.

When reading through your post I related a bit from the other end, until you wrote about the blatant dishonesty about seeking others through Bumble. Having/seeking other friends can be fine, but a base requirement is transparency. The hiding and dishonesty really gets to you, and from there you have to be a rather resilient person to keep the relationship afloat in a healthy way, so it's better to just walk away.

There's not much consolidation in the wake of something like this apart from spending time with those who truly care about you. Close friends and family; share some hugs.

In case of anxiety and low self esteem, I recommend reading some self help books about caring less about others' thoughts about you. It may sound heartless or cold, but a lot of anxiety in my experience comes from my thoughts about others' thoughts about me, and it weighs heavy on you when it's something negative from people close to you. I have the book "Let Them Theory" on my reading list, and hope that it will help me with this.

And lastly, no matter how close you are, it is but a single person, and a single person is not to dictate what you are to everyone else, least of all what you are to yourself. When your friends look at you, I'm sure they see a kind and caring person who wants happiness. This is something to be proud of. And when you look in the mirror I hope you'll see the same as your friends.
If others fail to see your worth, it's their problem, not yours, that they are blind.

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[–] Rush [S] 2 points 19 hours ago

Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response. ❤️ Your words genuinely mean a lot to me, especially the part about not letting one person dictate how I see myself. I think I've started measuring my worth through his actions, and that's something I really need to work on. The dishonesty hurt me deeply because I trusted him and genuinely believed in the future he promised me.

I don't have many people to turn to right now, so reading kind words like yours helps more than you might realise. I'll definitely look into the book you mentioned. My exams are approaching, and I really want to get my focus back and slowly rebuild myself. Thank you for reminding me that I deserve to see myself with the same kindness that others might see in me.

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