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[–] [S] 1 point 1 day ago (7 children)

Nice...btw How did you cope with it? I cry whenever I imagine him being with another woman. How do I stop these thoughts from hurting me so much?

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  • [–] 2 points 1 day ago (5 children)

    Platitudes like "it gets better with time" are both true, but also not very helpful in the moment. The truth is, like any injury, this kind of pain does take time to heal, and it sucks in the meantime. I'm sorry. Till then, you have to keep yourself and your life moving on, even if you don't feel like it. Don't let yourself get stuck where you are. You need to give yourself the opportunity to reorient yourself and your life to this change.

    For me, the deepest heartbreak I experienced was not a breakup, but the death of a very dear friend. I watched a *lot *of Doctor Who (David Tennant, the first? time). I stopped watching Doctor Who years ago, but I'll always appreciate the show and David Tennant for bringing me tiny bits of fun in those sad days. It's been more than a decade; I still miss that friend and feel sad when I think about him. But it's not a sharp, immediate pain, it's more like wistfulness. And I can think about and appreciate the good times we enjoyed together.

    As for an actual breakup after a not-great relationship (which yours sounds like, from your description in another thread), what I can say is that it is way better to be single than to be with someone who doesn't love you. Nor does it seem he even liked you even as a friend. Would you ever treat a friend, even an acquaintance, the way he treated you? Honestly, it sounds like he finally did the right thing by ending it rather than continuing to drag it out. I hope you will understand this with clarity later. Don't settle for that kind of nonsense in the future. Look for someone who is of good character all the time because that's just who they are, not someone who turns it on and off as he pleases.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 1 day ago (4 children)

    The truth is, he wasn't the one who finally ended things. I was so depressed by the repeated threats of him leaving that I eventually told my family what was happening. I had been pleading with him to stay, and he kept coming back, making promises and giving me hope. But after discovering what he had been doing, I finally decided to end the relationship. He blamed my trust issues and emotional dependency, but his repeated breakup threats had also contributed to my fear of losing him. It's been 33 days of no contact, and I still love him and keep wondering why I wasn't enough when I was genuinely loyal to him

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  • [–] 2 points 1 day ago (3 children)

    Good for you. You did the right thing for yourself. But you're asking the wrong question; this wasn't a you thing, this was a him thing. By what you've said, he's a selfish and emotionally immature person. What good was he actually for you?

    An important lesson to learn in life in general is that you cannot change another person. Only a person can choose to change for themselves, not for anyone else. The whole thing about leading a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. His selfishness has nothing to do with you, except that you suffered for it. He was selfish before you, and he'll continue to be selfish after you. Maybe one day he'll choose to change, but that will have to come from inside him, not for anyone else. This is true for all the kinds of ways people need "fixing" (in quotes), big and small ways, from drug addictions to simple things like pet-peeve type habits.

    Look up the terms "love bombing" and DARVO. I think you will find descriptions of your ex, and I hope your eyes will be opened to the fact that he was emotionally abusive, and that you were the victim of his abuse. I hope this can set you in the right direction to put him behind you.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 1 day ago (2 children)

    Yes, I understand what you mean, but some people are saying we had an anxious avoidant attachment dynamic. I was anxious and emotionally dependent, while he needed space and became distant. He did care for me in some ways, and when I begged him to stay, he sometimes did, which makes me wonder if he genuinely loved me or stayed because he felt guilty. I'm honestly confused about how much of this was our unhealthy dynamic and how much was his own choices.But why did he cheat on me if he truly loved me? I cried on his shoulder and begged him to stay on our last day together, even after discovering his betrayal.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    I'm sorry to tell you this, but he did not love you. You don't threaten to break up with someone you love, that is an abuse tactic, and you just do not abuse people you love. That is not your fault. That is a reflection of who he is, not who you are. You are only responsible for your own actions, not his.

    Really, I mean it, read up on love bombing, DARVO, and if you can get a copy, a book called _Why does he do that? _ I think these will help you understand and process what you've experienced.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 1 day ago

    Thank you for explaining this to me. I’ll definitely read about these terms and try to understand the patterns better. I just want to stop blaming myself for everything and heal..

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