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VENT: I feel extremely anxious about purported necessity of violence, cruelty (thelemmy.club)
submitted 1 day ago* by to c/chat@hexbear.net
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I lean leftwards because I want more people to get the help, dignity and peace they need and deserve. Now I feel a wave of being told to "harden my heart" and I feel scared and isolated. I don't have it in me to become a martyr and estrange myself from most people any further, I get nervous with the leftism I see so often expressed as wanting the bad people suffer, and that anything short of revolution is not just not good enough, but worse than doing nothing. And then I have constant guilt that I'm judging people more discriminated than me for how they express things; that my fears aren't valid and expressions of privilege.

By now I'm feeling emotional burnout, I get annoyed by any respone that isn't in-depth analysis because it just feels like watching the same responses happening over and over and never going anywhere.

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[–] 15 points 1 day ago (16 children)

Adding to the "is this people online?" crowd.

I lean leftwards because I want more people to get the help, dignity and peace they need and deserve. Now I feel a wave of being told to "harden my heart" and I feel scared and isolated.

Harden your heart against whom? Who is telling you this?

I don't have it in me to become a martyr and estrange myself from most people any further,

I'm taking "martyr" here in a figurative sense, but no you don't have to isolate yourself from people to be effective. I would argue it's counter productive, unless you are working on something that requires secrecy.

I get nervous with the leftism I see so often expressed as wanting the bad people suffer,

I don't think wanting people to suffer is "leftism". It can certainly be people on the left expressing anger and hurt.

and that anything short of revolution is not just not good enough, but worse than doing nothing.

I think this is short signted. What is revolution anyways? One violent clash and the world is fixed? No, it's going to take a lot of different people doing a lot of different things. Isn't mutual aid a revolutionary act?

And then I have constant guilt that I'm judging people more discriminated than me for how they express things; that my fears aren't valid and expressions of privilege.

Is this online? It's not about you. Let people be angry. They have reason to be angry. If you take it personally, maybe ask (yourself) why? Are you harbouring guilt for participating in something harmful? Can you stop doing it? Can you turn this into something positive, maybe amplify the voices of the less privileged without adding in your own voice, so that others can hear and learn?

If it's not online my response is mostly the same unless it's someone you have a relationship speaking to you directly. In that case, maybe try and understand why they are telling you these things. Are they asking you to change? Are you a trusted person they are venting to? Etc.

By now I'm feeling emotional burnout, I get annoyed by any respone that isn't in-depth analysis because it just feels like watching the same responses happening over and over and never going anywhere.

It's okay to take a break, comrade.

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  • [–] 15 points 1 day ago (2 children)

    Is this online? It's not about you. Let people be angry. They have reason to be angry. If you take it personally, maybe ask (yourself) why? Are you harbouring guilt for participating in something harmful? Can you stop doing it? Can you turn this into something positive, maybe amplify the voices of the less privileged without adding in your own voice, so that others can hear and learn?

    Banger, should be a standard reply on this site

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  • [–] 6 points 1 day ago (8 children)

    If you take it personally, maybe ask (yourself) why? Are you harbouring guilt for participating in something harmful?

    It reads that what they are saying is that they see people talking about genuinely wanting to, inventing a random example, have some chud shot in the gut for being a bigot, and if OP says "that doesn't seem like the best solution" they are told they are privileged and they feel bad about being positioned as a reactionary for not supporting this line of thinking.

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  • [–] [S] 5 points 1 day ago (3 children)

    For the record, no one has actually told me this, it's an expectation in my head based on convos I've seen and personal impostor syndrome

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  • [–] 4 points 1 day ago (3 children)

    have some chud shot in the gut for being a bigot, and if OP says "that doesn't seem like the best solution" they are told they are privileged and they feel bad about being positioned as a reactionary for not supporting this line of thinking.

    OP has said this isn't what they were talking to but I want to offer some advice on this situation anyways for any other youths.

    You don't need to reply to everything. Sure, if you think what people are suggesting is wrong and bad then it's fine and good to speak up. But if you are already stressing about how you are perceived, you aren't in the right space to offer your dissenting opinion online. Let someone else take that on.

    I'd weigh speaking up in your actual community (could be online too, but usually a smaller or more closed circle) higher than replying to randos online. You don't know who is just trying to initiate conflict for kicks.

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  • [–] 1 point 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (2 children)

    I wouldn't call myself a "youth" but I guess otherwise it applies to me as well. I would love more than most people would ever believe to be able to just comfortably never argue again about 99.9% of the things that I argue about, but my personal issue is that there are many points where I know from experience that if I say nothing, most likely no one will, and other times where there is at least a pretty realistic chance no one will.

    Edit: I guess the logical answer is probably "go somewhere else"

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  • [–] [S] 5 points 1 day ago* (3 children)

    It is indeed an online thing. I indeed harbour guilt, because I know that there are things I can do but I don't, out of fear, because of preoccupation with "more important" stuff like school and staying healthy, or an "all or nothing" mentality that isn't sustainable.

    I'm white, male and cis in one of the most Global Northern countries on the planet. I'm relatively well-off too and most politics don't affect me directly. I constantly worry thar when someone complains about a certain opinion/person whether it includes me, because I can very easily slip back into things like complacency or reformism if I don't stay vigilant.

    Thanks for the thoughtfulness.

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  • [–] 11 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    Please take this with kindness. I've been off work for 4 months due to burn out and I wish this is how someone explained it to me 20 years ago:

    There is no need out there in the world that is so unique that only you can meet it except for taking care of yourself. No one else can know your needs as well as you do and fulfill them for you. If you are not taken care of, you will not be able to do anything for others. Wise people don't ignore maintence and expect a machine to just run infinitely, right?

    There is no shame in struggling and asking for help, just as there is no shame in struggling and taking a break. Focus on your schooling and self care. This will equip you to better care for your comrades when you have more capacity.

    I constantly worry thar when someone complains about a certain opinion/person whether it includes me,

    I say this to myself all the time "What other people think of my is none of my business", but also in this case they aren't thinking of you as an individual so there is even less to worry about!

    because I can very easily slip back into things like complacency or reformism if I don't stay vigilant.

    As a practical tip I'd suggest adopting "I don't know enough to form an opinion" as a mantra. That way you don't need to worry about them lumping you in with a group that is complacent or supports reform because you simply don't have an opinion on the topic!

    Obviously this doesn't work if it's something you need to make a decisions on, but global politics? Do you influence it? No? Stop worrying about it right now.

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  • [–] [S] 5 points 1 day ago

    The two lessons at the end are good ones and I've been trying to follow them for quite some time. Unfortunately my insecurities are very persistent, so it will take a long time before I've fully taken them to heart. I generally tend to judge myself more harshly than others, then being told that I'm doing better than I thought.

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  • [–] 3 points 23 hours ago

    I'm white, male and cis in one of the most Global Northern countries on the planet. I'm relatively well-off too and most politics don't affect me directly.

    Sounds like capitalist society served you every bribe it could and you still reject it. Take their bribes and use them to ruin the capitalist class's strenuous efforts to miseducate, indoctrinate and control the information space. Use them to support the struggle where people have a need you can meet.

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