i think this is more about how trans folk get described by folks outside trans spaces, which amounts to most media. we say “trans women are women” but publications will still say “x, who identifies as a woman”

No, these are the terms that prevailed in the public discourse, to cater to the underlying cisgenderist absolutism.

Sometimes we need to succumb to these terms if we want at least part of our message to come through. Otherwise cis people look confused and start emitting weird noises.