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I'm sorry. I'm the worst (lemmy.zip)
submitted 3 weeks ago by to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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I'm really sorry everyone...this is all my own damn fault, I'm not denying that in the slightest.

spoilerI was planning to die today. But I guess I'm not even capable of doing that.
This is all because I'm such an overdramatic, pathetic loser, an excuse for a human being. After an appointment with a new psychiatrist where her first question was "What is your deadname?" and after she told me I "started HRT late", I just fell into a deeper spiral. Now there's uncertainty if I'll even be able to go to Thailand for SRS, which made me full on suicidal upon finding out, so I just kinda...broke.
And there's the constant regret of not starting sooner, constant self-deprecating and loathing from feeling like I'll never be a woman. Hating my face and body every single waking second.
I'm just...depressed and not doing well right now. And I'm making it everybody's problem.

I'm sorry, but I guess I'm sticking around. I'm not dead just yet. I'm making a new account and starting over. But...at least, maybe you'll believe me now that I'm not actually a good person?
I'm really sorry. I'm actually the worst. I know that.

Maybe I should have died. Maybe. But...instead I guess I'll bother you all some more, again, from zero.
I'm sorry for being such an unimaginable fuckup...

Sincerely,
a very depressed trans girl,
Miisha

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[–] 4 points 3 weeks ago* (5 children)

You are valid and seen and we support you. It is never too late for transitioning and self discovery and blooming into what you want and are meant to be. We want you here with us, we welcome you here, and you can take all the space you need.

By the way: you are a woman because you are a woman. There is no other justification wanted or needed.

Edit: Forgot to give you a hug 🫂 you clearly need it

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  • [–] 4 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

    Thank you so much, omfg 😭
    I really do need a hug ♥️

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  • [–] 4 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

    None of what you wrote makes you not a good person. You are struggling and you need help, but that has nothing to do with a moral judgement. I hope we can provide you with a little support with our words.

    Another hug 🫂

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  • [–] 2 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

    Thank you. I really am struggling...but I think it'll get better. Thank you so much 🩷

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  • [–] 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 child)

    It will! There will be rough days, but hopefully the worst is behind. There will still be battles but you will win the war. You are amazing and you rock 🎸 even when you don’t feel like it, even when you are low, you still shine

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