I posted the below at https://hexbear.net/comment/7478768 for general feedback if anyone is still looking at that thread, but I wanted to specifically solicit advice from empoc comrades and have a discussion here: ———————————————————————————————-———————————————————————————————-———————————————————————————————-———————————————————————————————-

Alright since this has gotten so much visibility I feel out of my depth and am opting for transparency in part because it'd be good to maybe have some perspective. I don't know if this is settled or if we as a site are going to have to hammer out some more differences later. But, SEG made a new account and DM'd me an apology. I'm going to withhold her new username and the text of the apology, partially out out of respect for the privacy of a DM, partially because I have very high standards for apologies and feel she did actually clear them and meant what she said enough to deserve that grace.

However, I'll post my response publicly because it expresses that this problem is bigger than us and I'm at my limit and don't know what more to do. Constructive advice/input welcome.

Wow. I appreciate the apology. This has been stressful but I’m glad you’re getting the beginnings of some growth out of it, as my goal is never “winning the argument” so much as “solving the problem”. I’m not going to block you right now. I’m heartened that this has given you pause and made you reflect a bit, and I hope that proves fruitful. With this message of yours, I’m willing to optimistically consider my beef with you settled, and I’d rather not block unless I feel I actually have to.

As far as further discussion… honestly, I’m half interested and I also half want to just not deal with this anymore. Just with what flack I have gotten I’m tired. And these problems are bigger than you and me. I feel like we maybe need to have a site-wide struggle session about the ways that white femininity has been and continues to be wielded as a weapon against racialized and colonized people of all genders including men and the ways that impacts our spaces, but I don’t know if we actually have enough remaining active POC users with the bandwidth to field that. I suspect if we did we’d lose a large portion in the process. And then on top of that these are merely reflections of broader cultural trends and it quickly feels like too much. I have been getting supportive DMs agreeing with what I said and expounding upon those ideas further from poc who are too drained to say it publicly and expose themselves to the inevitable backlash, and while I could take point on conveying and synthesizing those arguments, that also exposes me a lot and in a way hamstrings my ability to argue because I can’t understand my comrades’ perspectives as well as they do. I don’t think I am qualified or in a good position to take point on that.

So I’m not sure what to do right now. Maybe I’ll ask around, and maybe more to follow.

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Really, what do we do? Is it worth making more out of this and trying for a culture shift, or should I and we just drop it and resort to heavy use of blocks so we don't have to see this sort of thing as much? I don't think the former can be done without multiple people getting involved, but it would be cool if it happened. I know a lot of us are tired and rather doomer about the state of white leftism but I'm not personally ready to give up on them yet.