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Queer lemmings: Do we need hyper-specific orientation micro-labels, or should we minimize/abolish them? (scribe.disroot.org)
submitted 6 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago) by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
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To frame this precisely: do you think that distinctions between cis-homosexuality/bisexuality/heterosexuality, trans-homosexuality/bisexuality/heterosexuality, and other gender-specific or gender-exclusive sexual orientation labels are necessary, or should we keep it minimal, or even abolish labels completely?

And just to make everything clear, I have to disclose that I'm NOT part of the queer community, though I try to be as allied as humanly possible (I have three trans friends [two gay trans males, one lesbian trans female], one demi-pansexual genderfluid friend, etc., and I support and help all of them in everything I can). So, precisely because of this, I want to learn and know more about your ideas, feelings, experiences, philosophies, and beliefs. As I know the queer community isn't a monolith, I want to hear as many voices as possible so I can form more well-founded and well-informed opinions, questions, and actions. I equally support your rights and oppose all reactionary conservatives.

That said, and back to the question that opens this post as its title, I ask this because I've noticed that it is (or could be) a problem in queer discourse, semantics, and semiotics, and I want to know how different people try to solve it.

For example, I have mixed feelings because, on the one hand, I think that creating more specific labels could help both as a recognition of the different experiences and identities that constitute the queer spectrum, and in making communication clearer, respectful, clever, and less prone to errors, misunderstandings, misinterpretations, or conflicts (for example, I only like cisgender women, and I'm a cisgender male, but if I say that I'm heterosexual, I feel that it's not clear if I like cis women, or if I like trans women, or if I instead like both kinds of women, without further explanation that's not always possible, or a more specific term, and that could lead to a conflict of expectations). But at the same time, on the other hand, it feels like it over-compartmentalizes and over-atomizes something that's not completely discrete (although it's also not completely continuous), and can lead to division, or even to other kinds of exclusion and discrimination both inside the community and outside it.

I know this is not an easy problem, so what are your thoughts on this?

Please, keep this respectful, civil, and on-topic. To all the moderators of this space, I kindly ask you in advance that if this results in a conflict or a fight, please lock it.

Love and peace.

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[–] 1 point 5 hours ago (2 children)

I thinks it's all a bunch off bullshit.

There are layers in society where labels make sense. Science for example but in our day to day social interactions they do more harm then anything else.

What exactly do people with those informations other then build up prejudice? Against others or themselfs. You are gay that means you have to be like that, i am gay so I have to be lime this, I'm a woman so I have to be like this blablabla.

"I like what I like". Why does it have to be more complicated then that?

Well I guess it is because people single you out because you are, for example, gay. They imprint a identity on you and dangers meanwhile you just want to suck some dick. So it is kind of a defense mechanism to make it your identity. To build a group around it, to find safety in numbers.

So I understand that in the context of this shit world something like the labels evolved because you can't ask someone if they would like to get heir dick sucked without getting blasted in the face, but not in the good way.

But in a perfekt world it should just be "I like you. Do you like me?"

Same with gender. I feel it is just a physical thing. You wann have tits or a dick or fits and a dick? Go for it. But to be a woman or a man? Seem to be flawed constructs to Beginn with.

"I want to be a woman because woman are like that" "I want to be a man because man are like that" go fuck yourself.

Act like you want to act but don't bind that to some bullshit like gender.

It's like picking presets in a game. It's easy to just pick something that is already made and tried and known to work in a surrounding/environment but I'd rather built my own character.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 4 hours ago (1 child)

    I didn't meant that, either.

    “I want to be a woman because woman are like that” “I want to be a man because man are like that” go fuck yourself.

    I think that this is mostly correct, tho.

    Take

    What I actually (tried) to mean was (and I simply copy and paste it because, like, it's pointless to rewrite it if I already have it written in another place lol).

    Imagine this:

    I like only cis women, and if a trans women doesn’t explicitly states that she’s not cis when we’re flirting or whatever, I would feel violated when I discover that’s not the case, specially when it comes to sex, not because I had anything against trans people, because I don’t, but because a basic layer of trust in any commitment, relation or even adventure was broken.

    It would be the same if I, or someone else, only liked trans women or men, and one cis woman or man did not stated that, or any other case where someone expectations and limits were not respected.

    I only have to add that it is like that not because I hate trans (or non-binary, or in general non-gender-conform people), or because I like to exclude or discriminate them (although I know I might do that sometimes, I try my best not to do it). It's just because I don't like penises, y only like vaginas. And as me, there's many people both inside and outside of the queer community (actually, one of my ftm friends is himself cis-homosexual because he only likes dicks, not pussies, and AFAIK [I haven't asked her because she did exit from the closet just recently, and I don't know if it will make her uncomfortable] my mtf is also cis-lesbian, because she only likes pussies, not dicks; both of them feel revulsed by their same sex genitalia).

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  • [–] 2 points 2 hours ago*

    Oh I didn't meant to insinuate anything, i just stated how I think about that whole thing in generell. The "go fuck yourself" wasn't directed at you, but people wo say women or man have to be a specific way.

    To be honest, I don't care if you like dicks or not. You don't have to explain yourself why you prefer or don't prefer something.

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