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Queer lemmings: Do we need hyper-specific orientation micro-labels, or should we minimize/abolish them? (scribe.disroot.org)
submitted 7 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago) by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
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To frame this precisely: do you think that distinctions between cis-homosexuality/bisexuality/heterosexuality, trans-homosexuality/bisexuality/heterosexuality, and other gender-specific or gender-exclusive sexual orientation labels are necessary, or should we keep it minimal, or even abolish labels completely?

And just to make everything clear, I have to disclose that I'm NOT part of the queer community, though I try to be as allied as humanly possible (I have three trans friends [two gay trans males, one lesbian trans female], one demi-pansexual genderfluid friend, etc., and I support and help all of them in everything I can). So, precisely because of this, I want to learn and know more about your ideas, feelings, experiences, philosophies, and beliefs. As I know the queer community isn't a monolith, I want to hear as many voices as possible so I can form more well-founded and well-informed opinions, questions, and actions. I equally support your rights and oppose all reactionary conservatives.

That said, and back to the question that opens this post as its title, I ask this because I've noticed that it is (or could be) a problem in queer discourse, semantics, and semiotics, and I want to know how different people try to solve it.

For example, I have mixed feelings because, on the one hand, I think that creating more specific labels could help both as a recognition of the different experiences and identities that constitute the queer spectrum, and in making communication clearer, respectful, clever, and less prone to errors, misunderstandings, misinterpretations, or conflicts (for example, I only like cisgender women, and I'm a cisgender male, but if I say that I'm heterosexual, I feel that it's not clear if I like cis women, or if I like trans women, or if I instead like both kinds of women, without further explanation that's not always possible, or a more specific term, and that could lead to a conflict of expectations). But at the same time, on the other hand, it feels like it over-compartmentalizes and over-atomizes something that's not completely discrete (although it's also not completely continuous), and can lead to division, or even to other kinds of exclusion and discrimination both inside the community and outside it.

I know this is not an easy problem, so what are your thoughts on this?

Please, keep this respectful, civil, and on-topic. To all the moderators of this space, I kindly ask you in advance that if this results in a conflict or a fight, please lock it.

Love and peace.

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[–] 7 points 6 hours ago

Ok, there are some big red flags in your question, but I'll address the question first and the red flags after.

People should be free to choose whichever labels make them most comfortable and happy. There is no benefit to trying to police how people label themselves. And an 'ally' should definitely not be trying to give opinions on what is and is not the correct label.

Now to the red flags. I am going to extend you the benefit of the doubt, but these are things you should be aware of. You seem to have an issue with trans exclusionary language. Trans women are women. Trans men are men. Trying to create labels that are specifically exclusionary of trans people is harmful. I'm not trying to control who you find attractive, but making them some nebulous other is harmful.

Referring to people you claim are your friends as male and female is weird, and is going to get the hackles up on a lot of folks because that is the language frequently used by bigots.

Claiming some access to a community because you have a friend or friends in that community is a tired trope (e.g., my best friend is black). It doesn't add anything to the conversation, and generally doesn't make people trust you more.

Finally, your feelings on queer people's labels is irrelevant. People have enough to deal with without their 'ally' questioning their labels. It doesn't matter how specific or vague a label is, you will still need to communicate with any possible sexual or romantic partners. So that solves any issue of vague labels.

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