09:05:47: You lifted the lid of the toilet   
09:05:49: You dropped your shorts and underpants   
09:06:04: Your butt cheeks made contact with the toilet seat   
09:06:07: You activated your iPhone   
09:06:09: You opened ShitTok on your iPhone   
09:06:15: You realised that nothing was forthcoming and that there must be a clog in your colon   
09:06:23: You began straining   
09:06:24: You exclaimed: "Arrrrgh, shift you nobbly bastard!"   
09:06:40: Your pulse and blood pressure reached dangerously elevated levels   
09:06:44: The crap clog finally passed your sphincter   
09:06:45: The 'bomb bay doors opened' and a satisfying torrent of last night's now-digested burrito gushed out   
09:06:51: The flow of yesterday's bean, cheese, and pork 'al pastor' eases     
09:06:55: You sighed with relief and reached for the TP     

Who wouldn't want that in their life?