I'll just work with the "mattering" side of things. Though, I do appreciate everything else you've said. For me, mattering is impossible on a cosmic scale. For who I am, it's also impossible on a historic/large scale. I'll never be a leader or do anything worthy of history books or even a biography. That's okay, I wouldn't want to. On the "big" side, I'm an engineer working in electrical generation. Right now it's nothing special but it does keep the lights on for many. Eventually with enough experience, luck and growth I hope to work on the nuclear side of things. I'll never invent a thing that changes anything. But hopefully I'll be part of a better future and cleaner energy. Being a little cog on a machine that big feels weighty and good. On the "small" scale, I'm a good member of my community. I spend about 16 hours a month volunteering with a really great animal shelter. I own/operate a small farm. ROUGH numbers, I sell about a quarter, keep about a quarter and donate about half of the things I produce. Its just enough money for me to consider it a moderately expensive hobby. That makes me matter to a small number of people, which in turn, makes me and my actions matter. I recognize the nihilistic point of it ultimately not tipping the grand scale at all. But for a minute something I produced kept a person fed whether they paid for it or not, that matters to me. Ironically both things are done kind of selfishly so that I can feel I matter.