i have been struggling with this too, i am still so frightened all of the time and i know it is part of what prevents me from forming connections with others.

art is helping me a lot, i think, though i don't fully understand how yet. maybe it is letting me figure out little pieces of things that are in me and express them, or maybe it's the experimentation and play that i felt like i wasn't allowed to do earlier in life, or some combination of things. perhaps there is something like that for you.

i really hope you have access to some good support systems. and please do be kind to yourself. our poor brains are so tired. i wish i could offer some better advice but i am stumbling in the darkness myself.