That person holding the mask is protecting you, it is doing its job the only way it knows. Especially when masking is connected to a trauma it can be useful to address both aspects while working to find more sustainable ways of being. That's my experience at least - I've learned about neurodivergence and burnout as well as complex trauma simultaneously and it seems necessary for me to have "an explanation" that covers both aspects. I'm trying to be more understanding and compassionate to myself, find ways to process my issues and figure out what the real me needs. Often it feels desperate and at the moment I feel really lonely, drawing boundaries is really hard when you've lived your whole life putting other people's needs before your own. Unmasking drives people away, I'm not very good at communicating my boundaries or needs to other people and often that discussion is not encouraged either, leading to awkwardness and wrong interpretations. I carry a lot of shame with me from all the "failures" where I've failed to keep the mask up, usually I run away from situations at the last minute before that happens, but people tend take that as arrogance or avoidance. Unmasking, as well as processing trauma, tend to affect our relationships, I try to believe it when people say it's for the best. We don't necessarily want to keep those relationships or stay in situations that don't allow us to be who we are, but I've yet to figure out what fills the void that's left. Maybe that void finally allows me to have space for myself, time will tell.

I've found it important to spend time with other ND's and trauma survivors, peer support groups are great. I also find comfort in watching videos on Youtube where people explain their ND burnout experiences.

You are not alone and your struggle is real. Things can change and you can learn to let go of the mask, little by little. If you don't have access to professional support free resources can be really helpful as well. Healing takes time but it is time worth spending.