My mind keeps going back to my high school years—learning English and having friends I’d see every day, getting graded and held to standards in an environment I’d excel at.

Now my English is near-native, no one sets any guidelines for my work except my pay, I don’t talk to anyone from high school anymore, I’m a different gender, portions of my brain are dead, and I walk with a cane. I end up having to play obnoxiously complex solo board games at three in the morning just to get my brain tired enough to sleep.

I think I miss when I was younger and had the support of my peer group and teachers supervising, instead of the aimless isolation (relatively; my wife is great and she’s always there for me) of this world here.