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I never realized how hard country/rural living would be (lemmy.ml)
submitted 2 days ago by to c/chapotraphouse@hexbear.net
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I was born and raised in a large midwestern US city. A few years ago, I moved out to the country. Like, 30 minutes away from any services. I made the move in part because I sold myself on a vision of Hobbiton. Living in and around nature. Away from the lights and cars and problems of the city and instead forging a life of pastoral relaxtion, gazing on sunsets while smoking my pipe.

But it was a mistake, and I hate it out here.

A caveat to start off... when someone mentions how they hate country living, there are typically two kinds of responses. One is from people who were raised in the country and love it. I think this describes a very small fraction of the population, though. If you’re in this category, good for you. I’m glad this all works for you but you’re not my audience here. The other type of response is from city dwellers, who when someone mentions rural living, are all like “awww that sounds like heaven to me :)”. People who, like me, think if they just had some land and a homestead they’d be living like BIlbo Baggins. Well it’s not that.

A big thing you don’t realize is just how important it is to get to simple services like groceries or just a haircut. Did you start making a recipe but halfway through realize you don’t have any cumin? In a city you can run out and be back in a few minutes but out here you’re gonna be gone at least 70 minutes. And getting a haircut literally involves planning a “haircut night” once a month because it can take up nearly a whole evening. If you need a taxi and it ends up costing a small fortune and had to be scheduled ahead of time. The distance from services really is death by a thousand cuts and it can really start to grind you down.

If you don’t have a place to run or have the space and money for some home equipment, forget working out. And btw rural areas are incredibly hostile to running, unless of course you own a ton of land and make your own paths. Running or biking on the roads is incredibly dangerous.

I have not had any medical emergencies (alhamdulillah), but I am very cognizant of the fact that for any urgent medical issue, I’ve already lost like an hour of time before I can get treated; which could make a huge difference in outcomes for my family.

You are on Mother Nature’s home court here. And she does not want you here. I’m currently just accepting all the ants and pincher bugs that are all over my house. Using a sonic system to keep out the mice but it’s not really working. Can’t let the kids play in the grass because of rattlesnakes. You just have to be comfortable with all sorts of creatures around. Dealing with the elements is just more challenging out here.

I know people feel (and are) isolated and alienated from their fellow humans in cities, especially under capitalism. But my friends, you really cannot understand just how isolated and disconnected you feel when you physically live distant from another human. It warps you as a human and turns you inwards. It fosters a clannish, blood-relations-only mentality. Marx totally had the peasantry pegged in The Eighteenth Brumaire, potatoes in a sack who only watch out for themselves.

And it’s not like the people you do have around you are all that great to be around, let’s be real here. In the US at least, rural areas are home to some of the most reactionary, anti-social people in the whole country. Because there’s no few people around here anyway (not to mention the chud nature of the people who are here), organizing is basically impossible. Closest DSA chapter is at least a couple hours away, never mind PSL. There’s just... not really much here to organize.

But honestly the worst and real heart-breaking one is... as a parent, I am hoping to god that I can move us to city before my kids get to old. Because I dearly hope when they’re adults they choose to live reasonably close to me. But when you live in the middle of nowhere, there’s just no way they can live nearby, there are no jobs. So the rural life breaks up extended families. Yeah sure even if I lived in a big city my kids might want to move away, but at least there, there’s opportunities to stay around.

And maybe I’m just mad at myself for not realizing how good I had it back in my big city hometown. And for practical purposes I am 100% stuck here. And for those reasons maybe I get unreasonably annoyed and people who idealize country living. At the very least, before you think about moving you should be aware of the downsides.

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[–] 45 points 2 days ago (4 children)

I grew up in a rural area and have lived in big cities. I always found myself thinking about how the country life is death and the cities are alive. People think it's the opposite. The country has animals and agriculture and trees and "less crime", so how can it be death?

I think it's a combination of things. The towns are just decaying remnants of mid-century America. Main street is pre-war shops built in the 20s and 30s by whatever big industry was local (tobacco for me). You can see post-war spending on various post offices or police stations and schools. In between all this are dilapidated ruins of former economic activity. Abandoned garages because the old man who fixed cars there since he was 20 died decades ago and it's just rotting where it stands. Rusty metal building for a machine shop that was outsourced before I was born. The big spooky abandoned or half-shut down factory for whatever big industry was local. Tract housing built by the big industry 80-100 years ago. The housing is terrible and falling apart but you can't update it because you're grandfathered into not spending $80k. Everything is small. Every restaurant is a mom-and-pop that everyone swears is the most unique and best food in the country but all they do is fry Sysco food. Basically they're trading in on some family name back when they made bbq or hamburgers in the 50s. Nothing is new. Every time something gets a fresh coat of paint, it's because someone spent their life savings to open a new business, like a laser wood burning/cutting shop, renovating the space, only to go out of business after a year.

Then when you move out of town, it's just fields of subsidized crops that nobody uses locally. Random subdivisions in the middle of nowhere because some developer bought the land for $1 from a farmer's estate. Rusting, aging farming equipment by the road. Yards full of old cars. These little oasis of nice mid-century and late-century homes occupied by some 64 year old who spend most of their adult life in some kind of post-war boom so they can afford to do landscaping. And that's the other thing, the people. It's just people who have lived here all their lives, deciding to not go anywhere, or not able to go anywhere. They're just waiting to die. There's nothing to do but go out to eat at tex-mex restaurant. It's just people sitting around doing nothing and working and preparing to be the ones who can afford landscaping in 30 years.

It's like living in the skeleton of a big dead thing with people who think it's really cool to prepare for death and die and be dead. They want you be dead like them too. And I don't tell anyone any of this because it probably sounds unhinged. But I also feel like they know it because they resent you if you have any bit of worldliness or cultural experience outside of morning chat at the local 1970s gas station with 2 pumps older than me and doesn't take cards. By worldliness I mean the most basic sense that you are a person in a larger world with other people with different cultures or experiences.

It's not that I hate the country life, it's just that it has cut me off from so much for so long. Nobody here seems very happy. Everyone seems to be struggling. The past won't go away because there is no mechanism to build a future. You can say big cities are like that too, but it's more apparent here. The city feels like it still has a pulse. I concede that it depends on the city because being alive doesn't imply also being good.

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  • [–] 21 points 2 days ago

    It's like living in the skeleton of a big dead thing with people who think it's really cool to prepare for death and die and be dead. They want you be dead like them too.

    Wow lotta great comments in this thread.

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