"Folks, we had, wow, like 300 men, big strong men, GREEK men, can I say that on tv? Greek? Anyway we had those men and they were just pushing back the Persians like no one has ever seen before, amazing really, and I was there, I had a sword, when you're president they let you hold the sword, I had the sword and I was swinging it at them slashing sounds wow it was a bloodbath but we won and won bigly too. The fake news, cnn, failing new york times will say we lost, but real patriots know the truth!"