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How do you escape paralyzing sadness? (lemmy.world)
submitted 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
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Nothing in the world seems to help. I spent forever trying to find something to watch, but literally nothing felt good. Even when I eventually put something on it felt empty and I just ended up staring at the wall. I tried playing videos games, some of which I really love, and I turned them all off after a few minutes. I've tried other things too. Half the time I don't even eat. Time passes in slow motion, like some kind of purgatory. The worst is I can't even sleep. I have the next few days off and they're going to feel like an eternity. It actually scares me. How do you get through this? I'm desperate.

For what it's worth, I see a therapist weekly and I'm on a few different medications. This particular bout of sadness is caused by an especially painful rejection.

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[–] [S] 2 points 6 days ago* (1 child)

I had amazing friends growing up. Now I feel like I have no friends at all. I just joke that I know a lot of people who would be offended if they heard me say that. The truth is I still have them but they all got married and had lives and kids. I rarely hear from them and see them even less frequently. Sometimes I feel like I just got left behind.

I'm struggling to think of any happy memories at the moment that aren't associated with negative memories later on. That's not to say I don't have any happy memories. I'm sure I have many. I'm just not in the headspace to find them.

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  • [–] 3 points 6 days ago (1 child)

    It sounds like you’re feeling. understandably, lonely. Sometimes that’s because our relationships with our friends have changed, although it can akso be because we become a bit numb even to what is good for us.

    I remember what it’s like not being in the headspace to find good memories. It really helped me to keep a mental journal of those. Although I did have to crawl out of a hole slightly first to be able for that.

    One thing is for sure, your emotions are telling you that you need something and in my experience doing other things (like playing games etc) only amplifies them. It’s as if they’re demanding our attention and contact.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 6 days ago (1 child)

    I do journal, but very infrequently. All the happy memories that came to mind were all of girls that eventually lead to heartache. It's hard to separate them when they're so tied together.

    I can try to do something over the next few days. But sometimes it's the evening weekends that get really hard. When you somehow managed to scrape your way through work but there's nothing else to do. I used to drink probably too much. But even when I wasn't in the middle of something like this it had more to do with the damn boredom. Right now I'm actually too depressed to drink.

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  • [–] 1 point 6 days ago (1 child)

    I would say every relationship I had was painful at the end. Breaking up is so hard whether it’s the person making the decision or the person who finds out. I look back on them fondly now, though, and I’m still friends with some of those. My last breakup was very amicable and we’re still besties.

    The reason I say all that (and feel free to check out if this is getting too much) is I wonder do you tend to weigh the final moments more in your memories? I’ve been able to separate those breakups, depersonalise them and it’s left me with a solid footing where I look back and feel enriched by the relationship that preceded them.

    Learning about cognitive distortions can maybe help a little here, especially maximisation (of the negatives) and minimisation (of the positives).

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 6 days ago (1 child)

    I think based on past experiences I have a major fear of abandonment, and I see every ending as being abandoned. I also have little to no confidence in my ability to meet anyone new. I feel like each time it happens that was my last chance.

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  • [–] 2 points 6 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 child)

    It’s good to have that awareness. Fear of abandonment doesn’t just moderate how we connect with people, it moderates how we feel about connection, during connection, etc.

    I’m not the biggest fan of CBT - I think it can be used in a way that’s too clinical rather than felt - but wading into the beliefs you have about abandonment and self-worth can be very valuable. We can’t confront something until we shine a light on it.

    Once the beliefs and feelings are labeled to some extent, the next step with CBT could be to identify the cognitive ( C ) distortions in those beliefs and then explore what a more balanced substitute could look like. Then by examining the behavioural (B) influence those beliefs had on you, you can try out new behaviours too. That kind of therapy (T) can help flush emotional states that have been stuck for some time.

    But the mechanics of CBT aren’t enough. A well attuned therapist is what makes it more than the sum of its parts.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 5 days ago (1 child)

    At one point I bought CBT for Dummies but I didn't get very far. I'm trying to be introspective and examine why I feel this way, but I just end up in a spiral.

    My therapist is pretty good, I think. I've had others in the past that took a more active approach, gave me more coaching, and stuff like that. This one does a lot more just listening and pointing things out. It's definitely possible there is one out there I would work better with, but we have a good rapport and I don't want to switch.

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  • [–] 2 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 child)

    There is research that vouches that the quality of the relationship (or rapport) is more important than modality with respect to outcomes. Your instincts sound good.

    And yes, trying to do this ourself is like trying to put up a tent by oneself in my experience. We usually need a “spotter” at the very least.

    Best of luck.

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