What they want is the last guy who just retired, and was handling 4 jobs on his own because he had the experience to do it, but the hiring manager doesn't know that they need 5 positions to cover that, not one, and training is right out because it's not fiscally viable to train someone at entry level pay because then the person is very likely to take those skill to the competition who actually pays more.

(this is their reasoning, and no, you're correct: it makes about as much sense as a three eyed watermelon getting a tan at the beach with a pet trinomial equation)

Good news, new "junior" encrypted all your customer data at rest. Bad news, all data is now at rest and the key to decrypt is with some group from Central Asia.