I'm exaggerating on purpose because it feels like I'm talking to a baby and it's the only way to get something across.

Buddy, this is exactly what sometimes happens. What do you think they do? Sometimes a plane just isn’t able to be fixed on the spot and you have to disembark on the spot. Shit happens.

No, unless the plane explodes they never let people walk along the tarmac. You're talking soviet era service again.