How about this:

Trump jumps into UFC ring, reveals he was faking his old and ugly the whole time

President Trump surprised voters on Sunday by stepping into the Whitehouse UFC ring and challenging Joe Rogan to a kickboxing match. Rogan at first refused to fight, citing concerns about the president's poor health, flabby physique, and deteriorating cognitive ability.

In response, Trump tore off his wrinkled, orange-stained face to reveal it was a mask the whole time. He then released hidden buckles at his shoulders, allowing the fatsuit he had been wearing for the last three electoral cycles to fall to the ground. The POTUS then yelled to the assembled crowds, "The people, they love a heel, eh? But let's set aside the act for today, because I'm feeling ready to rumble."

Trump, now revealed to be an athletic 30-year-old, then backflipped behind Rogan and suplexed him, while singing the Star Spangled Banner at the top of his lungs. He then challenged the crowd, but no members of the electorate were foolish enough to answer him. Sighing, the president put his fatsuit and mask back on, and slowly waddled back inside the white house while audibly shitting his pants.

They could have him read to children at a drag book reading.

Yeah I was thinking about that. The Onion would say "Trump saves puppy" and magas would just believe it..

So no only is it not symmetric because of the bullshit-proof rule or the confirmation biases..... But these people are not normal. They're some of the dumbest and most belligerent people in existence. Literally, a special breed of stupid.