the part that is challenging to me is why anyone expects that to actually work?

have you been paying attention for the last 20+ years now?

i want to say there was maybe a period of 5 years around mid 2000 where it did but microslop has been awful for decades

and i can count on 2 hands the number of times the issue was urgent enough to need an immediate response regardless of what middle management thinks (and phone calls worked fine)

so over working for bigcap company cultures and middle managers having too little actual work

Why? Work from home, not work from home, the works the same. I can't understand how this changes how you work. Unless your employer is very bad at figuring out how to do it. That is the only conclusion one can come to.

Your work does a poor job, so you rely on outdated work methods. There is no other way to look at this.