Is it common after a breakup to lose every mutual friend you had? (lemmy.ca)

submitted 13 hours ago by rabber@lemmy.ca to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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A year ago I broke up with my gf of 8 years after finding out she cheated on me and had been for a long time.

I quite literally have zero friends remaining at this point. Every single mutual friend has stayed friends with her and completely ghosted me. I can only suspect I've been slandered and that's why nobody wants anything to do with me anymore. I tried going to local shows as that was my community but it's completely sucked the fun out of things because it's a small city and there's always eyes on me from different corners of the room like I've done something wrong and I don't feel welcome anymore. So I've just stopped attending concerts which used to be my safe space. Standing by myself watching the band while people stare a hole in the side of my head isn't exactly enjoyable.

My lived experience has now taught me that 90% of people are cheaters, liars, and thieves, and while I know that's not reality, it's fundamentally changed the way I approach friendships. I don't open up to people anymore because I don't trust anyone anymore.

I don't think or care about my ex but the friends who ghosted me still cause daily intrusive thoughts. I don't know why I've been abandoned. No closure and no way to defend myself. I never expected how much more it hurts to lose friends than it does to lose a partner.

I miss my friends but they've proven they don't care about me so when they inevitably reach out to me there's no way I'll be able to forgive.

Probably I need to go back to therapy again but just curious if anyone has experienced similar.

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[-] andrewta@lemmy.world 9 points 12 hours ago

What can you do? Hypothetically you take each one of them aside and you force them to tell you what she’s been saying about you. And then somehow demonstrate that she is lying.

Now that’s hypothetically.

Realistically, there’s no way that they will want to change their mind anyway. Unless you have some really solid proof that you didn’t do it. And ans anybody can tell you , trying to prove a negative is almost impossible.

So that means realistically, there is really nothing you can do about it. I mean, you can catch a couple of them when they’re alone. And try to find out what She said. But if they’ve already bought into the bullshit from her then what do you do?. I don’t really see a way back from that.

By the way, I’m going on the basis of she’s lying and that she falsely accused you. As I only have your comment in the other post where you said she falsely accused. I have no way to know what did or did not happen. I’m just giving you information based on what I have. All I can say is good luck and try to move forward. Only you would know if you’d be able to approach those people and have a chance of sitting down and making them listen.

[-] baronvonj@piefed.social 10 points 12 hours ago

and you force them to tell

probably not the right tone to use when those people probably believe him to be a rapist

[-] MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca 4 points 12 hours ago

It's the implication.

this post was submitted on 11 Jun 2026

65 points (90.1% liked)

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