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Not too much to ask for (thelemmy.club)
submitted 3 months ago by [M] to c/Couplememes@sh.itjust.works
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[–] 0 points 3 months ago (1 child)

I’m not neurotypical myself, but this weird assertion that NT people are abusive because they respond differently than ND people is an odd conclusion.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (1 child)

    What? Where do you get that from?

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  • [–] 0 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    You've already framed the partner that gets mad at OP acting different when they're in a mood as abusive. You've firmly put NT people in that category with your previous comment while elevating ND people as having the correct response.

    We all have different experiences with relationship dynamics and that colors our views of the world. Your experience isn't any more special or more correct than anyone else's.

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  • [–] 3 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 child)

    You've already framed the partner that gets mad at OP acting different when they're in a mood as abusive.

    Not what I said, but that actually is abusive. No mood anywhere. The “partner” in the tweet is getting mad and accusing the tweeter of “acting different” when they are simply silent. More is not stated, nor can be assumed with the given information. You are the only person going on about this “mood” that supposedly exists. Let me be clear, this “mood” is your invention and not implied anywhere.

    You've firmly put NT people in that category with your previous comment while elevating ND people as having the correct response.

    Where did I do this? I said that in my experience in relationships with NT people, I have experienced abuse due to a lack of empathy for a different way of existing (going silent for periods of time), and have generally (but not always) not had this response in ND relationships. This has more to do with a shared experience than anything else.

    We all have different experiences with relationship dynamics and that colors our views of the world. Your experience isn't any more special or more correct than anyone else's.

    While this is true, it has no relevance with the discussion at hand.

    You are making a lot of assumptions in this thread that are not supported by the information available.

    Edit to add: Unsupported assumptions and bad faith arguments do not an interesting discussion make, and I have to go anyways, so again I will wish you and yours the best and be on my way.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (1 child)

    Feeling anger isn't abuse. It's what you do with that anger that can be abusive.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 child)

    No argument there.

    Becoming angry that someone is being silent without ever asking why they are silent is unhealthy emotionally immature behavior (note: assuming there is no previously established pattern of using silence to manipulate). Expressing that anger by making accusations (again, without ever finding out why said person is silent) is not only emotionally immature, but assumes that the angered person is at fault to the silent person, where no such fault is necessary or implied. This is when it becomes abuse.

    It is the “your change of behavior makes me angry and therefore it is your fault that I am angry” instead of “your change in behavior makes me concerned and so I will check in with you” of it all that you seem to be missing and is in fact the whole point of the tweet.

    The tweeter desires an emotionally mature response to a change in behavior as opposed to an emotionally immature one, and you seem insistent to defend the emotionally immature response because of an unsupported assumption.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (1 child)

    I'm not defending the emotionally immature response. I'm suggesting that OP is also being emotionally immature by not being forthright with their feelings.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago

    They’re not though. There is no mention of withholding anything at all. In fact, the only feeling mentioned is that of the person who gets mad. Assuming a reliable narrator (which one must in order to have any meaningful argument about this), the only thing that elicits the reaction of becoming mad is the silence throughout the day. Nowhere is there any indication of intent or emotion on the narrators part, therefore none can be assumed. You however have made this assumption and based your entire conclusion and argument around it, and therein lies the rub.

    You are arguing something that is not what is actually contained in the post, which while what you are saying may be true in the case you are presenting, it is not what is presented in the post and the tweeter is not doing anything abusive by wanting an emotionally mature partner. And for you to suggest that it is abusive so adamantly undermines a healthy relationship dynamic.

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