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Not too much to ask for (thelemmy.club)
submitted 3 months ago by [M] to c/Couplememes@sh.itjust.works
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[–] 1 point 3 months ago (1 child)

Feeling anger isn't abuse. It's what you do with that anger that can be abusive.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 child)

    No argument there.

    Becoming angry that someone is being silent without ever asking why they are silent is unhealthy emotionally immature behavior (note: assuming there is no previously established pattern of using silence to manipulate). Expressing that anger by making accusations (again, without ever finding out why said person is silent) is not only emotionally immature, but assumes that the angered person is at fault to the silent person, where no such fault is necessary or implied. This is when it becomes abuse.

    It is the “your change of behavior makes me angry and therefore it is your fault that I am angry” instead of “your change in behavior makes me concerned and so I will check in with you” of it all that you seem to be missing and is in fact the whole point of the tweet.

    The tweeter desires an emotionally mature response to a change in behavior as opposed to an emotionally immature one, and you seem insistent to defend the emotionally immature response because of an unsupported assumption.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (1 child)

    I'm not defending the emotionally immature response. I'm suggesting that OP is also being emotionally immature by not being forthright with their feelings.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago

    They’re not though. There is no mention of withholding anything at all. In fact, the only feeling mentioned is that of the person who gets mad. Assuming a reliable narrator (which one must in order to have any meaningful argument about this), the only thing that elicits the reaction of becoming mad is the silence throughout the day. Nowhere is there any indication of intent or emotion on the narrators part, therefore none can be assumed. You however have made this assumption and based your entire conclusion and argument around it, and therein lies the rub.

    You are arguing something that is not what is actually contained in the post, which while what you are saying may be true in the case you are presenting, it is not what is presented in the post and the tweeter is not doing anything abusive by wanting an emotionally mature partner. And for you to suggest that it is abusive so adamantly undermines a healthy relationship dynamic.

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