I'm not going to read the entirety of this extremely long explanation, because I don't need to read an extremely long criticism of capitalism pretending to be an explanation. I've read many criticisms of capitalism (and agree with at least some of them).
I got as far as your first two paragraphs before I had a serious issue with it as an explanation. We can discuss that if you really want, but I think your issue is not a valid one. Recalling OP's explanation:
Capitalism is a system of distribution of goods with a basis of private property and competitive markets. In the past it has been praised for high rate of innovation and low costs of goods compared to older systems such as feudalism and aristocracy where small states subservient to a crown owned and managed industry.
So the terms they used are:
- system of distribution of goods
- private property
- competitive markets
So, it is explaining capitalism in terms of those, which are simpler and more likely for anyone reading to understand. I would say in particular that everyone reading should understand the first term, that "private property" is understood by almost everybody, and that "competitive markets" is the least likely to be understood, but can be explained further. None of them is comparable to "gluons".
No matter how many explanations of capitalism there are that make it sound really bad, it only takes one that doesn't sound too bad to contradict the main post. So you need to focus on why that one is inadequate, rather than making your own explanation.