I felt various kinds of pressure in my twenties and then somehow managed to continue it in my thirties. I hate individualism because it makes my life trajectory feel like something I'm personally succeeding at or "wasting" and it's going to be meaningless if I don't FOMO get to doing the "right stuff" with it. I yearn for a sense of collective meaning about life with stable shared purpose. But I'm too deep in atheism to want to be religious and I was born in Yankeeville. So yeehaw, time to go give another yank on my bootstraps. Maybe this time I'll be able to pull myself up...