[Serious] How do you gain confidence/self love? (discuss.online)

submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by throwawaysalami@discuss.online to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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Long story short I don't feel like I deserve romance in my life yet. I feel like I got nothing to offer. I have felt this way for most of my life. Even though I have developed plenty of hobbies (I dance, skateboard, climb, go to the gym, etc.) and social circles. On one hand I am happy with myself and on another I feel like I can't offer the other party anything, romance wise.

Normally others would say 'You'll find someone dont'cha worry 'bout notin' ya'hear?' But I am at a point now where I hope a woman will not develop feelings for me because I am afraid of disappointing her. And through the years this only been getting worse. I know this is not a good way of thinking but I just can't shake it.

I want to (mentally) change but I just don't know how. So if anyone has got some tips for me (really anything goes) that might help I would very much appreciate it.

Note: I don't care if the process of learning self love is slow, I just want to know what the process involves.

Edit: I am reading some great suggestions. So thank you all for that. Just as a reminder, I am not expecting people on the internet to fix my problems. Just some general, rule of thumb, tips (and or tricks).

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[-] CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 1 month ago

Generally the goal is to start rewriting patterns of thought once you identify them, by sorting out the ones you don't fully believe. Maybe you just quit too soon?

The thing is, there's only so much we can do over the internet with the information you've given. I have no idea why you think you're an unworthy romantic partner, or how reasonable those ideas are.

[-] throwawaysalami@discuss.online 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Yeah, you're totally right. And that's why I asked what the general steps are for improving your self-image. I am really not expecting a full grade psychological examination. Just some general rule of thumps.

[-] CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 1 month ago

It seems like "your feelings usually/always come from your thoughts" would count as a tip. You've done CBT so it's apparently not a new one, though.

Maybe someone else has had luck with something less direct, I don't know. Best of luck.

this post was submitted on 29 Mar 2026

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