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Yeah there will never be a perfect middleway. Either you have a lot of small kingdoms where sometimes some of them go rogue or you got one big one where the Leaders literally rule the whole place.
I think feddiverse will be the better option in the long run after some things get tweaked a bit more.
Bluesky has a global identity system where instance accounts are just links to a DID (basically your private key). If you get banned from an instance you have to change your name but you keep all your posts and likes.