sorry to hear that :( honestly, hating the chemical randomness of one's brain is something so relatable. so as to not feel anger or self-hatred i try to just think this is random and strange and out of my hands. i want to just survive this weird tumult and coast through it as best i can, sometimes just detaching myself from the world or being a bit mindless for a while, if i can afford it. i dont know if this is applicable or resonant advice at all.

i've grown to think that while there is such a thing as normal, everyone has some aspect of abnormality to them. additionally, i think every difference from normality has some value in its distinction from normality, even if it's only to better understand what is truly universal to the human experience.

obviously that's not to say the difference cannot also be challenging or disabling in our present society. but that has helped me a lot coming to term with my differences, big and small, is finding whatever value i can in them.

hope you feel better soon, comrade.

Chemicals, don't flatten my mind

Chemicals, don't mess me up this time

Know you bait me way more than you should

And it's just like you to hurt me when I'm feeling good

It could be worse. Have you stayed doing the same thing for three-to-five hours every day, just staring at a map game? It fucking sucks, just wasting away. Hours gone I will never get back. At this point, I think you're normal, to me atleast.