Nangijala comments on Our duty

[–] Nangijala@feddit.dk 5 points 7 months ago (3 children)

Sure, I think I can find studies that affirms my biases too if I really want to.

Personally, I don't believe that parents are so miserable and childless people are so happy. Maybe at some stage in life that can be measured to be objectively true, but longterm, dude, I think the parents win the happiness lottery if the childless people choose to never move on from their 20s and grow up and take part in their community. I invest time and money into my nieces and nephews and into my friends' kids too. Because they are family and I care about them and their parents and it gives me joy to know that I'm a part of something either directly or indirectly, depending on circumstances. I do it because I know that there is also a day after tomorrow where I would become alone and forgotten and have no one to lean on if I don't contribute and invest anything into the future, which in this case it other people's children.

At some point, we have to remember that the world is bigger than ourselves and if we only invest in ourselves our whole lives, we will end up very very very alone.

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[–] starelfsc2@sh.itjust.works -2 points 7 months ago (2 children)

You went too hard in the other direction. Sure parents aren't miserable, but studies do show childless adults are happier. Maybe they're less fulfilled? That's hard to say if you never wanted kids. Also you can enjoy being around friends and make their lives better and invest in your community, not like kids, and still be very fulfilled. If you don't enjoy kids that doesn't impact your life negatively unless you don't understand how to be happy on your own.

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[–] Nangijala@feddit.dk 1 point 7 months ago (1 child)

The thing is, as you grow older, your friends tend to have kids at some point and you kinda have to give a fuck about their kids if you hope to hold on to those friendships. That's the point. If you invest into a community, kids are bound to be a part of that community at some point. Especially if that community wants to survive and not slowly and sadly die out on its own.

It's not about who is better, it's the total rejection of reality that I take issue with when it comes to smug childless people who look down on people who have kids. It's like those people think that they will be 20 forever. That's not how life works. Better to wake up and understand what it takes to be a part of society - which includes children - than to run around in denial for an entire life and then wake up one morning and realize that you allowed yourself to isolate yourself from society for no good reason. Now nobody knows you and nobody cares about you because you never cared to know them.

You don't have to be a total fan of children, but if you hate kids and hate parents and look down on them and act like your childfree life is superior, you will end up having to deal with the consequences of that someday and it's not going to be pretty.

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[–] starelfsc2@sh.itjust.works 0 points 7 months ago

I have done community service several times, like helping at a grange and helping at a retirement home, you can help the community in ways that don't or very rarely involve kids. You can help a friend with their kid without wanting kids and thinking they should not have had them, I'd also help them fix a car I don't think they should've bought. With overpopulation and severe effects of climate change I would look down on having kids, because this current path isn't sustainable, but that's not the kid's fault so we should still help the kid.

I think if you truly believe that, you should read about all the people who have spent months or years in total solitude and remained fulfilled. Having kids or not does not determine your long term happiness, many people with kids are unhappy even when the kids are grown up, because they didn't learn how to be happy. I would expect being childless just gives you more time to learn about yourself, but that's just speculation.

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