this post was submitted on 15 Feb 2026

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submitted 7 months ago by Aequitas@feddit.org to c/memes@lemmy.world

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[–] saimen@feddit.org 12 points 7 months ago* (17 children)

There are scientific studies which show that parents are overall less happy than adults without kids.

Of course parents still do a lot of stuff but it's because most of the time it's even more stressful to stay at home with the kids. And as you noticed it's stuff mainly for the kids. Of course some things parents can enjoy as well. But the main thing about being a parent is that you can't just do what YOU what, especially not spontaneously.

And the post was about vibe and chill, which is definitely something parents do a lot less than they would like to.

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[–] Nangijala@feddit.dk 5 points 7 months ago (3 children)

Sure, I think I can find studies that affirms my biases too if I really want to.

Personally, I don't believe that parents are so miserable and childless people are so happy. Maybe at some stage in life that can be measured to be objectively true, but longterm, dude, I think the parents win the happiness lottery if the childless people choose to never move on from their 20s and grow up and take part in their community. I invest time and money into my nieces and nephews and into my friends' kids too. Because they are family and I care about them and their parents and it gives me joy to know that I'm a part of something either directly or indirectly, depending on circumstances. I do it because I know that there is also a day after tomorrow where I would become alone and forgotten and have no one to lean on if I don't contribute and invest anything into the future, which in this case it other people's children.

At some point, we have to remember that the world is bigger than ourselves and if we only invest in ourselves our whole lives, we will end up very very very alone.

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[–] starelfsc2@sh.itjust.works -2 points 7 months ago (2 children)

You went too hard in the other direction. Sure parents aren't miserable, but studies do show childless adults are happier. Maybe they're less fulfilled? That's hard to say if you never wanted kids. Also you can enjoy being around friends and make their lives better and invest in your community, not like kids, and still be very fulfilled. If you don't enjoy kids that doesn't impact your life negatively unless you don't understand how to be happy on your own.

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[–] Nangijala@feddit.dk 1 point 7 months ago (1 child)

The thing is, as you grow older, your friends tend to have kids at some point and you kinda have to give a fuck about their kids if you hope to hold on to those friendships. That's the point. If you invest into a community, kids are bound to be a part of that community at some point. Especially if that community wants to survive and not slowly and sadly die out on its own.

It's not about who is better, it's the total rejection of reality that I take issue with when it comes to smug childless people who look down on people who have kids. It's like those people think that they will be 20 forever. That's not how life works. Better to wake up and understand what it takes to be a part of society - which includes children - than to run around in denial for an entire life and then wake up one morning and realize that you allowed yourself to isolate yourself from society for no good reason. Now nobody knows you and nobody cares about you because you never cared to know them.

You don't have to be a total fan of children, but if you hate kids and hate parents and look down on them and act like your childfree life is superior, you will end up having to deal with the consequences of that someday and it's not going to be pretty.

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[–] starelfsc2@sh.itjust.works 0 points 7 months ago

I have done community service several times, like helping at a grange and helping at a retirement home, you can help the community in ways that don't or very rarely involve kids. You can help a friend with their kid without wanting kids and thinking they should not have had them, I'd also help them fix a car I don't think they should've bought. With overpopulation and severe effects of climate change I would look down on having kids, because this current path isn't sustainable, but that's not the kid's fault so we should still help the kid.

I think if you truly believe that, you should read about all the people who have spent months or years in total solitude and remained fulfilled. Having kids or not does not determine your long term happiness, many people with kids are unhappy even when the kids are grown up, because they didn't learn how to be happy. I would expect being childless just gives you more time to learn about yourself, but that's just speculation.

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[–] Jax@sh.itjust.works 4 points 7 months ago (4 children)

By what metric do we judge happiness?

Is it wealth? Is it things owned? Is the happiness a serial hoarder feels when they get a new thing the same as the happiness of seeing your first child born?

I'm starting to think we've gone too far when it comes to validating feelings.

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[–] saimen@feddit.org 4 points 7 months ago* (3 children)

I guess you just ask someone how happy they are in general.

Edit: I found the study (see my other response) and they used this:

To assess life satisfaction, respondents were asked, “All things considered, how satisfied are you with your life as a whole these days?” They were asked to indicate their satisfaction with life using an 11-point scale ranging from 0 (dissatisfied) to 10 (satisfied). This measure has been shown to have appropriate external validity and has been widely used in cross-cultural studies of life satisfaction

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[–] Jax@sh.itjust.works 0 points 7 months ago* (2 children)

Ok, let me create a separate hypothetical:

You have a society that really likes ultra processed food. I mean really likes ultra processed food, to the point of addiction. There are other things that society is addicted to, but we'll fixate on food for now.

Let's say you take ultra processed food away from that society. Or any other harmful addictive thing. What do you think happens to their overall satisfaction in life?

It is the objectively correct decision (at least before enough regulations are put in place that 'ultra processed' doesn't also mean 'packed with chemicals'). Let's say you assess life satisfaction after an event like this. What would their answers be? Would they be true or would they just be the thrashings of addicts?

My point is that I think if you ask a heroin addict if they're satisfied with life, their answer will depend on how long it's been since a needle has gone in their arm. I don't think the average person is actually capable of guaging their level of satisfaction in life, not to say that the average person is a heroin addict.

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[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 5 points 7 months ago

I don’t think the average person is actually capable of guaging their level of satisfaction in life

One could argue they're the only ones who can gauge it.

But there's definitely a struggle to separate the symptoms of happiness from the conditions of happiness.

Like, if happiness is just a chemical, then OD on it and you've successfully maximized the raw score. But if you asked someone in advance if that's how they want to live their lives, I don't think you'd get many eager for it.

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[–] saimen@feddit.org 2 points 7 months ago

Good point

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[–] shawn1122@sh.itjust.works 4 points 7 months ago*

Most happiness indices use flawed methodology. I wouldn't take them too seriously.

Having a child requires more planning for sure. Spontaneity is certainly fun but I do think that the ability to plan ahead is part of what rounds us out as adults.

I vibe and chill every night with my wife after the kids are asleep at 8. If we want to go out they stay with the grandparents.

Can you be as spontaneous as your were in college or as a young uncommited professional? Not really. But with a little planning you can still have your fun.

I acknowledge a lot of this comes down to finances and how functional your family is and so may not be feasible for many people. But I do want to gently push back at the idea that ideas of individuality, self-actualization etc must be deferred because of children.

You need a community to make it work and the problem is many people have less and less of that these days.

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[–] Lund3@sh.itjust.works 3 points 7 months ago (5 children)

Got a link for that study? I highly suspect that the happyness of the adults with Children depends on which country they are from.

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[–] saimen@feddit.org 3 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (3 children)

No sorry, but I remember that in scandinavian countries the difference in happiness was much less, because raising children there is more seen as a societal task and less as the sole responsibility of the parents.

Edit: found it: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/jomf.13116

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[–] Foreigner@lemmy.world 5 points 7 months ago

tending to be more negative for parents facing more challenging conditions

I think the above point of the study is key. If you are already facing significant challenges in life (economic, psychological, physical, etc), adding kids is not going to make it any easier, and might make things worse. I know it's anecdotal but I'm personally pretty satisfied with my life, and that's continued to grow alongside my kids. But as I mentioned in my previous comment, I have the resources and support I need to make that happen. I also live in a country that provides a lot more support to families than somewhere like the US. Not going to say having kids is all muffins, puppies, and unicorn farts all the time. But it's been fulfilling to me, and if I had to go back and do it all again with my kids, I absolutely would.

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[–] Lund3@sh.itjust.works 4 points 7 months ago

So in short. Having kids in a country that is not driven by money hungry oligarch means both higher satisfaction in life and higher meaning in life. Welp sounds about right.

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[–] TheBrideWoreCrimson@sopuli.xyz 1 point 7 months ago

Nice. Thank you. Even better, it's a free study.
But instead of showing the coefficient of the model they derived, I would have shown figures 1 & 2 which are riveting to me.

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[+] GreenBeanMachine@lemmy.world 2 points 7 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

[deleted]

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[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world -2 points 7 months ago*

parents are overall less happy than adults without kids

Higher levels of stress, less money in the bank, fewer hours of sleep, yadda yadda. You could say the same thing about people who start their own businesses or take up a career in politics or do literally anything that's taxing on the human body and mind.

Want to know how to live a truly carefree lifestyle? Take up heroin. Folks in an opiate haze are consistently ranked some of the happiest on earth.

And the post was about vibe and chill

It's this sort of weird backhanded brag that tries to make a virtue out of self-indulgence. Might as well go full Gordon Geeko with it if you're this far in.

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