Well, then what fatherland is the patriot beholden to?
Cause that's what the word means.
The land (and people), but not necessarily the state.
(The term state ahead is really annoying.)
Maybe part of it comes from being in the US, where we have a weird form of double governance of the "state" and "federal" governments. Which state are we loyal too, because they're both ours? It makes things more malleable. The states could agree to form a totally new federal government if they wanted to.
A patriot may care for whatever arbitrary definition the XVIIIth century put on their identity and be well meaning enough about it. I'm not a patriot. The historical borders of what some consider a nation today have no particular relevance, beyond the fact that they happen to drive some level of administration.
There are multiple definitions of country. Some don't care about the state that defines the borders. Your country is the land where you were born, not the state necessarily. One example that comes to mind in the US, which spans multiple states, is "Appalachia." Appalachian people are a broad culture group who live in the Appalachian mountain region, and are distinct from the states they reside, and the larger US obviously. They are countrymen of each other.
I have no particular interest in whitewashing any of that into some supposedly healthy version of patriotism that has very rarely existed in any way.
No, the problem is some other people have changed the term to mean nationalist. For example, in the US, people were called patriots for fighting for the people in the colonies against the state that controlled them (Britain). They didn't approve of the state and wanted to improve it, so they fought to change it and left the former state that was controlling them. Patriotism doesn't have to be blind support of a state, and I'd argue that isn't patriotism, because you aren't defending it from bad actors/actions.