Yeah I just have no desire to do anything. Lyme is kicking my ass, but it's just exacerbating existing depression and anxiety. I don't really have any ambition, my enthusiasm for even the few things I semi-enjoyed has been sapped, and I really feel alienated from everyone around me. It got so bad I literally had like a derealization episode. I felt like nothing was real and I was going to blink out of existence.

I want to enjoy things and have actual friends but goddammit. It's all pretty dumb considering people out there have real problems but holy fuck, I've backed myself into a mental corner. I feel like I've crossed the event horizon in my life and I'll never escape now.