I do understand and it does not matter how you phrase it for those types of people. Pretending that it could have been said the 'right' way is a waste of time because, as you said, they consider even asking to be facilitating conflict.

There are also good managers out there, they just aren't as memorable as the ones who make everything into drama. The good ones also tend to be driven to other jobs because of the jerk managers...

Don't find that's true at all. Direct language is much preferred to this bullshit.