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[–] 171 points 1 year ago (4 children)

I assume years of collectively crying about it online has made something as simple and natural like dating seem like this unachievable task.

Not sure if it’s just me, but I feel like young people are less capable than ever to socialise. I thought I was a social pariah, but I don’t have shit on some people out there.

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  • [–] 112 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    I think a big part of it is online dating is just how it's done these days.

    But yes, we've done a great job of over-complicating something as simple as human interaction.

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  • [–] 69 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    I think so too. Online dating is just too convenient. It’s easier to arrange a date while playing video games than going into a club or other places you don’t like to begin with. I won’t lament those places dying out. Fuck them, never felt comfortable there.

    But online dating should have made things easier not worse. Then again those sites aren’t free of blame too.

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  • [–] 84 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    The problem with online dating sites is that they have the wrong incentive. They want to make money, not bring people together into lasting relationships.

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  • [–] 44 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    In stark contrast to pubs and nightclubs

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  • [–] 28 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    The difference is that pubs and nightclubs are not exclusively for people who are looking to meet other people. People go there with friends, to have a good time. Not so much with online dating sites.

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  • [–] 6 points 1 year ago (4 children)

    I've never understood the appeal of meeting people at bars. If you want to build a relationship with someone, why not do it with someone you already know? Ask out a coworker or classmate or something. Why approach random people in bars purely based on their appearance?

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  • [–] 14 points 1 year ago*

    Because there is a very real sentiment called "Don't shit where you eat." I learned it the hard way in two different workplaces. In the first one, we broke up and it ruined the work environment. In the second, the 'no' was expanded to HR complaints and lawsuits, again ruining the work environment. Knowing someone has (or had) romantic interest in you can be a pain, and it can definitely blow up a working relationship.

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  • [–] 7 points 1 year ago

    Because it's a social environment. You don't go purely on appearance usually, you see someone interesting, start chatting, maybe you flirt a bit and if the vibes are right you move forward. If anything it's far less appearance focused than the apps where it's a picture and a bio and not interaction.

    As for why not coworkers and classmates and such, it's fine if flirtation is happening. But to a certain degree it's shitting where you eat. People have professional and to a lesser degree academic personas that are less who they really are than their social personas.

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  • [–] 4 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    Expanding your pool of potential mates increases the chance of finding a mate.

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  • [–] 5 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    That only works if you would consider the kind of person who likes to spend time at bars as a potential mate though.

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  • Dating is all about going places you don't like to meet people so also don't want to be there, which makes literally any other option more appealing.

    My SO and I met at a dance. I didn't want to be there, and my SO thought it was tacky, so we had something immediately in common when I walked over to talk.

    It's a weird, unspoken cultural thing. If I go somewhere to have fun, I'm not interested in meeting new people, I'm interested in the activity.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 year ago

    And then there are people like me, who don't have the biggest friend group and it's predominantly male. And my workplace is also highly male dominated. So I don't have any women that I know that I could ask out.

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  • [–] 36 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    I was a complete social reject in middle and high school so I don't even know how to people but I just assumed that was just me and my miserable circumstances apparently a lot of people have the same problem?

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  • [–] 8 points 1 year ago

    From what I've seen/heard, it's not specifically the 'crying.' It's a general effect from online life. Online activities are much, much easier than in person. Want to feel a connection to someone? Here's vloggers, talking straight at you in painfully earnest tones about everything in their life. Want someone to entertain you? Here's half a dozen companies fighting to be the one you turn to. Hungry? Forget cooking. Here's delivery options from everywhere. Horny? Porn! It's all a click away and you don't even need to put on pants. If getting a need met enough to get you to tomorrow takes no effort, many people aren't going to put in the work to get, not even a guarantee, but only a chance at something better.

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