I live in constant pain because of exposure to chemicals, physical, and mental trauma that the USG is just starting to recognize through the department of veterans affairs. I lay awake each night wishing that I would die and not wake up tomorrow because it will just be more pain. Or I think that I deserve the pain; it is my penance for commiting an uncountable amount of suffering on the world in exchange for a bit of cash. I feel like I sold my soul to the devil but all I received in return is the understanding that everything will get progressively worse for the vast majority of the people on this planet.